single
Are you choking right now? Laughing? Crying? Well, stop it because I am serious: I have never felt sexier. At 63 I might be in my prime, as sad as that might sound to some of you.
I can honestly say that I haven’t felt sexy for maybe thirty years. Let’s face it, when your marriage is bad the word sexy doesn’t even exist. Add to that the stream of women in my husband’s life during our marriage, ending with someone much younger than I am (and yes I am aware that younger isn’t always better) and you get the drift. It chipped away at me until there was nothing left.
Even after I became single, I now realize, I carried so much of that in my head with me, that feeling that I wasn’t young therefore I wasn’t desirable or sexy. Well guess what girls, none of that was true for me and it isn’t true for you. It’s hogwash!
I am 63 years old. The only thin thing on me is my hair, which is almost all white and I’m not just talking about my head! My feet, without sandblasting, look pre-historic. My breast “base” is closer to my waist than to my shoulders. I used to have really great legs and, well, those days are over.
So why is it that I think I am sexier now than I have ever been? One word: freedom.
This year was not an easy one for me. I foolishly thought that once I was divorced I would cruise through a new and exciting life. That was partially true, but this last year presented many challenges for me. By the end of July, I was a mess: sad, lonely, depressed, feeling hopeless. You name it, it wasn’t going well around me. Then one day I told myself that I had to turn things around or continue to go down an unhappy slippery slope. So I made a conscious effort to make changes, and that helped, but I still wasn’t there.
My Friend Confronted with the Truth, Now I’ve Never Felt Sexier
Then my friend Cy said something to me that changed everything. He said, “Just have fun. What are you waiting for?” His actual words were, “What are you saving it for?” And with that I was free. He was absolutely right. I had been the keeper of the flame for family and some close friends for so long that I was miserable. I was constantly trying to be a positive role model for my children. I wanted to always be there for a very ill friend. I wanted to date but couldn’t stand to hurt anyone’s feelings if I didn’t think we were a fit so it had become a burden. Crazy, right! I wasn’t enjoying anything and he was right, when was the fun going to start for me?
So here I am, the sexiest I have ever been and loving it. And, I may not even be sexy on the outside. Don’t care. I feel alive and desirable. I feel smart. I feel accomplished. I am more interesting now. I feel independent. I feel free, and I think my newfound freedom shows in my zest for life. To me, that’s sexy!
Let me tell you something, feeling sexy, having a joie de vivre, isn’t bad. I now have a spring in my step that I had lost and I am a new girl again. Thank you, Cy.
Read MoreRepost from 8/1/2016
One year ago, my husband pulled out of the driveway to go to work, I picked up a truck, packed everything I had room to take with me, and moved out. I was gone by the time he got home. His only text to me was, “Where should I forward your mail?”
I had lived with a stomach ache for a year prior to that. When he refused to sleep somewhere else, I moved to another room. When he refused to leave the house, I knew that it would be me who would have to make the move. It took me quite a while to get used to that idea, but once I did, I was determined to change my life. I still wake up with a stomach ache here and there, but I can handle that.
Most often, I wake up happy. I love my life. I sure didn’t think I would be here at sixty, but now I can’t believe I lived the way I did for so long. I think the biggest change that I have found in myself over the past year has been that I am actually smart. I am actually a nice person. That I actually have value at my age and there are some people who really like me. I am proud of who I am and where I am going. I’m all “Woman Hear Me Roar” about myself and I like it. Now, I may wake up tomorrow and have a big sobfest, but for now…I am happy.
One of my sons wrote me a note a few months ago telling me how proud he is of what I have accomplished in the past year and it shocked me. I really didn’t know that the kids saw that when they look at me. I thought they just saw a Mom who cries when they get here to visit and cries when they leave. The Mom they have to talk to at least once a week. Now…the pressure is on and I love it.
Read MoreDo you ever look around the room at your friends and think to yourself, “When did everyone stop trying? When did we just give up?” You know what I mean: no one is wearing make-up. No one appears to have combed their hair all day. Those walking shoes have seen way better days. And, is there a bra in the room that wasn’t around for the turn of the century? Doesn’t anyone try any more?
I am not talking about spending a lot of money, so don’t get all judgy with me. It is more about giving up than it is about being frugal. I can look around a table of women my age and see a collective “just stopped caring.” And, I get it. Many of us spent years in a work “uniform” whether it was self imposed or an actual uniform and when we finally got the opportunity to ditch what we had to wear for what we wanted to wear we did a deep dive into comfort. We stopped wearing any clothing that wasn’t jammies. We dropped our fashionable footwear for sensible shoes full time, whether going to a wedding or taking a 3 mile walk. Make-up? Why? And, our hair? Forget it.
I am all about being sensible, but turning 50 or 60 or 70 doesn’t signal a new era of not caring, or at least it shouldn’t. This is a great time to have fun with your looks: who do you have to impress? I grant you that our hair, our skin and our bodies are not at all what they used to be, but in my mind that gives us more reason to step it up a notch.
I was having this same discussion with a friend last week and as I was talking, I realized that she doesn’t wear make-up. And, she told me that she never did wear make-up, so why would she start now? But she does like fashion and it shows. I wear make-up every day of my life and always have, so for me to stop that would feel un-natural. I have always been a person who puts herself together everyday but I don’t expect everyone to be like me. However, it makes me sad to look at a friend who is energetic and alive and confident about herself on the inside, and looks nothing like that same woman on the outside.
So, I want you to think about this: does your outside represent the woman you are on the inside? If not, what’s missing? Do you wish you could look more lively on the outside but you don’t know how? Ask a friend, or, better yet, ask your daughter or son. Any one of those people will tell you in a hot second what you need to change.
I think what you might find is that when you look like you care about yourself, others are interested in learning more about you on the inside. I want you to shine as brightly on the outside as your light is in your heart. You don’t have to invest in a new wardrobe but you do have to appear to care.
Remember when you were young and interested in fashion and how your looks were such a big part of your world? It was because it mattered to you. That doesn’t have to change just because you are a single woman over 50, 60 or 70. It’s hard enough to get noticed in this youthful world so keep fighting girl!
Read MoreI know I know I know, last week I wrote a post about giving yourself a break and allowing yourself to drop out of a couple of commitments in order to not feel weighed down but what you “should” do. And, I stand by that: it can lighten your mood tremendously. However, what I am talking about today is showing up fully for your life.
I was thinking about a friend of mine this week. She walks into every room like she is making a grand stage entrance. When she hugs you, you know you’ve been hugged. The woman seems to do everything, absolutely everything, at 100%. Whether it is working or playing, she attacks life.
I admire this quality and I want to emulate it for a couple of reasons. First, this woman is a blast to be around and I find myself looking forward to seeing her. I am happy to run into her. And, I want others to feel the same way about me, I want others to look forward to spending time with me. When I was newly single I felt lonely and isolated, then I realized that the only person who could make sure that I wasn’t lonely was me. I want to be a person who others are happy to run into.
But, showing up is more than that. Think about the times when you have had to help “host” even when the event had nothing to do with you. Maybe you were at a shower for a close friend’s daughter and you ended up being the one to entertain Grandma. That is showing up. That is what it means to show up and help ensure that the event is a success. Whether it is dinner or a party or Thanksgiving, I want to be a person who shows up. I want others to know that they can count on me to show up.
So, think about whether you are just walking through life, or are you really showing up for everything you do. If not, it’s time to change. I want you to show up for everything you do to improve your life. You will feel a fullness to your life. And, when your head hits the pillow you will feel like you have squeezed everything you could out of your day.
How do you define showing up for your life?
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