In this crazy time, I never know which Paula I am going to be when I awaken: Scared to Death Paula,, Oh Well We Will Get Through This Paula, When I Get It and I Have to Call the Squad How Will They Get Into the Building Paula, or the I’ll Just Use This Time to Learn a New Skill Paula. Really, I have no idea how I am going to feel when I wake up each morning. There have been mornings that as soon as I know where I am my stomach starts to roll with fear. Other days my brain seems to embrace where we are and I feel steadfast and determined and patriotic. But I never ever know what it will be until I begin to feel conscious at dawn.

When I am talking with people over the phone or in a Zoom meeting or Facetime call, and they ask me how I am doing or how I am feeling, I have no answer. I can’t be the only one. My feelings are all over the place and they change daily from hopeful to depressed to anxious then back to hopeful.

I can’t imagine that I am the only one feeling uncertain every night as to what my emotions will be the next day. And that lack of control over myself and my life is driving me crazy. How about you? While I try to get control over my life, that very lack of control sends me into a spin again.

The only thing I can say to you is that I hope you wake up in a better place tomorrow than you did today, and that life continues that way for you during this 2020 pandemic. Things are uncertain and they will be for a while. Here’s the good news: we are strong, seasoned women. We have been through a lot. We are all survivors and will come out on the other side just fine. I know it’s hard not to have control over the direction your life is heading right now, but it will pass. Stay safe and stay healthy.