I was out with some single friends last week and we started talking about online dating. As soon as the words came into the air each woman just kind of sank in her chair, like a deflated balloon. I feel the same way, don’t get me wrong, and I am wondering if that attitude somehow leaks through my pores and is evident to my dates? You think? Like I’m a skunk and feel danger!
So, I’ve decided to make a shift in my way of thinking and I will get back to that in a minute. First I want to tell you about a sales training I once attended back in my first life: I sold media for a number of years. The trainer said to us that we should not hold disdain for our clients. He said that while we may not be crazy about some them, they are the people who put bread on our tables and that we should think of them as such. That really hit home for me. I thought about the times when I would whine to myself because I had to call on client A or client B and wasn’t looking forward to it. After he said that I felt like maybe that came through in my body language and vocal tone.
I remember that little nugget often, especially when I’m meeting with someone for any reason and I am not super excited to see them. I try to think about what I want the outcome to be and set my mind and demeanor accordingly.
The same holds true for online dating: how can I expect to meet someone great online when my attitude about the whole thing is negative? It’s just not logical, is it? And, really, what would it be like if there was no online dating? I have met some very nice men, maybe not the right fit but some nice men, through online dating. Honestly, every single man I have met since I have been on my own has been online in some fashion, whether it has been a dating site or another social website.
Here’s the change I am going to make and I want you to think about making the change as well: I am going to face online dating with a new, positive attitude. I will have a smile on my face when I look at dating profiles, even though no one can see me.
Now let me say this, if you are not interested in dating, great. But, if it’s fear or frustration with dating sites, then give it another try. The odds of meeting someone without a dating site are about the same as winning the lottery (although show me the money any day over a date!).
Next week I will tell you about a “best practices” way of going on a first date that has worked well for me over the last couple of years.
This was very helpful can’t wait till next article. I’ve canceled dates 3 times, due to fear not like they are crazy but I’ve not been on a date for 33 years.
Think of it this way, you are both there to just see if you are a fit. That’s all. If you are great, if not, oh well. And, he is probably just as scared as you are! Good luck.
Thank you!
I did online dating for several years and met some very nice men (and a few losers, yes.) Not all men on dating sites are just out for sex. I advise you to stay away from the free sites like OK Cupid because I found that a lot of men there are married. Plenty of Fish kicks out anyone who is married. They kicked me off because I admitted I am separated , even though it has been 3 years apart and I’m only waiting for Medicare age to finalize my divorce. I met my current gentleman online, 3 years ago.
Hooray!
So did I. That was back in 2002… So far I date very little. I’m on Pof and the men seem to write once and not again, or always mention how sexy I look. A big turn off for me. Says their looking for sex…
I’m sorry you haven’t found the right man. Don’t worry, he is out there!
Paula that’s great advice and I really needed that pep talk since I have had some extremely weird dates and I think my uterus is broken as a homing device for men! I’m even afraid to say hi to a man who has been circling around me with his shopping cart. Also the ridiculous good night kiss like were teenagers by the car when I don’t want to invite a stranger back to my house! Then there is the lying I’m too trusting so now have my guard up. Thanks for helping me take it down since I have a date tomorrow with a guy finally who doesn’t eat road kill or hold a fish up in his profile like hes a catch?!! Really hes actually so poor after his divorce he has to fish for our dinner! Thanks for sharing and I hope to hear more inspirational words from you! Caroline
Well, I guess you can say that at the very least the date with the fisherman made you appreciate what you have, huh?
You are so right Paula! Personally, I know that I have gone in to the whole process with a less than positive attitude, and whether we realize it or not, I’m sure that attitude gets portrayed in our demeanor. Someone said to me, what are the odds of meeting someone you click with – 1 out of 50? Then, you’re going to have to go out with 50 different men to find that one. Look at it with a positive spin though “wow, I am going to date 50 different men over the next year!”. That can be pretty exciting.
You go girlie!
Well, Paula I thought the same thing. I’ve been online dating for about one month. I’ve decided to go out on 2 greet and meets. They were very nice guys, but not my type. I can’t say I’m impressed with online dating. I paid for 3 months and when the 3 months are up. I will not sign up again. This is just me. Please try it and it might be your lucky date. I’m not being negative about online dating, but it’s just not for me.
Please don’t let your fears determine your future.
Try it
Charlotte
Charlotte, Sometimes you have to give it a break until you get back into the mood for it again. It really gets to you if it’s constant. Good luck!
Great point Paula!
I attended many sales classes over the years and found I too used the techniques in many difficult areas of my life (especially when dealing with teenagers).
I recently joined a dating site and it never occurred to me to have a negative attitude towards it. After all, I was not happy sitting home alone and as my mom would say “nothing ventured, nothing gained!”
That’s the spirit!