I have been faced with my own prejudice over the last few weeks, my own antiquated mindset, and here it is: I believed that my married friends were happier than I was, or that being married equals happiness. Ugh! I hate to admit it because I know that being married isn’t always better. But the thought is right there in my brain hiding behind the “carbs aren’t that bad,” and the “I still look forty” myths that I tell myself.
I have had the opportunity to get together with lots of friends over the last month (I think we all hunker down after the holidays until cabin fever sets in and we emerge out of hibernation). As we’ve chatted I have been made aware of my feelings that my married friends don’t have problems, that they don’t share the same issues as I do, and of course, that isn’t true. We are all women over 50 or 60 or 70 and we all have relationship issues, we all face health concern
Do You Romanticize Marriage?
But I definitely have a romanticized version of their lives in my head. I had a romanticized version of my own life in my head, while I was actually living an anything-but-romantic life when I was married. And, these are not women complaining about their marriages or who are unhappy in their marriages. They are simply women, who, I had forgotten, need support from
While this time of life is supposed to be full of joy as we move into a “new frontier,” it is also a rough transition, no matter what your marital status. I don’t know anyone, male or female, that isn’t dealing with challenges related to aging. And, my married sisters are no different. My married sisters may even need me, and you, more because they need someone to confide in, they need someone they can trust when opening up about what is happening in their lives.
So, while I am facing my own prejudices, do you think you view your married counterparts as happier? Do you see them as not needing friendship and support? It’s time for you and me to change those thoughts.
Just turned 70 two months ago and your article really made an impression! Retired at age 68 from a breast cancer study at a well known University. Have spent the last two years trying to improve my health and find my next step in life. Married for 34 years with one daughter. No grandchildren. What’s a girl to do?
Cat, a girl is to do whatever she wants to do!!! That’s right, while you may be feeling at loose ends, think of it this way; you actually have the world at your feet: no one to impress, no one to prove anything to, no one to compromise for, just you. I know your life probably doesn’t quite look like you thought it would, having been married for 34 years, so make it look better! Thanks for your comment.
What I know about my starting over @ 60ish vs my married life. If someone asked me, “Are u happy now?” ( since I am the one that filed) I would say, “I am happier.” Am I lonely@ times? Yes, but there is nothing more heart wrenching lonely than living with someone & feeling lonely. Feeling like u or ur feelings just do not matter. That’s a daily living hell. I will take this type of loneliness any day. If u catch yourself thinking ever thinking being married is the ultimate, you forgot one IMPORTANT factor. That is- being HAPPILY married. We all know there are couples out there that seem happily married that are miserable as hell. ( we will never know) I think of this as my second chance. If my life does not turn out to be the ultimate, at least when I am on my death bed I will be able to say, I tried. Hurray!