I work with single women over 50 in my WingWoman Program. I ask each woman what she wants to change in her life, and all of them tell me several areas of their lives that aren’t going well. Then, without exception, each one tells me why she can’t change things, and I am always reminded of the phrase made popular by Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you? What you are doing right now, how’s that working for you?”

So, without saying that, I talk with them about how they can make adjustments that will get them closer to their goals, and the next phrase I hear is, “My problem is…” That one sentence is one that sends me over the top.

You say that you want to make changes, and that must be true or you wouldn’t be talking with me. However, every woman I work with holds on tight to who she is now, without putting any work into moving toward what she wants.

So, do we really want to change the direction of our lives for the better, or do we want something to complain about? Do we want to hold on to those very actions that are keeping us from what we “say” we want? I don’t know the answers to those questions, but I do know that if you change your actions, you can change the direction of your life.

Now, if I am working with someone who says she wants to make new friends who have some similar interests, I might suggest that she look into joining a meetup group. When the excuse on the other end is, “Well, they meet on Saturday mornings and that’s when I go to the grocery because it is the only time I can do that,” I hit her with good old Dr. Phil. And, honestly, if I get pushback, I know that the changes are all talk.

A few months ago I felt like I was just so unhappy. I was depressed. I cried all the time. I wasn’t motivated to do anything. I was miserable. I knew I had to make some plans to move myself forward and away from the doldrums. Not just talk about it but actually get into action. And I did and it worked and I am a new woman from the actions I took!

So, if you are wishing you could make some changes, stop the excuses for why you can’t make them happen and remember Dr. Phil. “What you are doing now, how’s it working for you?”