It took me some time to pull myself back together. I still have lots of bad days, but I have slowly started to have more good days than bad. It didn’t happen overnight, but I’ve found some keys to making it happen.
Starting Over After Sixty? Start by Making New Friends
If you are waiting for someone to knock on your door to help get you back on your feet, you may be waiting forever. The only person who can make your life better is you and sitting on the couch binge-watching Netflix is not the answer, as much as I love it.
So, get out there and get to know your surroundings if you are in a new locale. If there is a coffee shop in your area, become a regular for a while. As you get to know the servers, they will get to know you.
You can look on the community board and find some activities near you. Take a book or the paper and just “camp” there for a while and you will most likely meet others from nearby. It just takes a couple of new acquaintances to make you feel at home in your new surroundings.
Look for an association in your neighborhood or building. That’s a great way to get to know some new faces. And it’s all you need to make you feel like you are moving forward.
I had a party shortly after I moved to my apartment and combined my long-time friends with some friends from the new neighborhood and it was a blast. My old friends loved my new digs and my new neighbors got a sense of who I am and who I was. Plus, I got some invitations for gatherings in my new neighborhood after that, so it was a success.
Never Stop Learning
Continuing to learn isn’t just key for starting over, it is key for anyone as they age. Learning and keeping your brain working – and exercise – are the two best ways to keep yourself young, in my opinion.
Whether it is joining a yoga class, learning to cook some new recipes or taking up a new hobby, you will not only replace old habits and attitudes with new ones, you will increase your knowledge and maybe make some new friends. You’ll feel like you are in forward motion, rather than feeling stuck in old patterns.
If you are not in a book club, join one. It will force you to read a book that you might not otherwise read. Take a cooking class. If you want to learn Spanish, find a course in your area. If you wish you had taken accounting classes in college, many colleges and universities offer classes to seniors at a reduced cost or even for free.
Keep your brain busy and learning and you will have less time to dwell on the past and feel sorry for yourself.
Exercise
Let me assure you, if I never had to exercise another day in my life I would be the happiest girl in the world. But I do have to exercise. I am not a skinny girl who can eat anything she wants and not pay for it in pounds. So, exercise just must be a part of my life.
I know that without it I will not have the best chances of staying mobile and healthy in the future. So, I do it. And I have met some nice people along the way. If you are not exercising now, do it. And if you are, great, keep it up. I love this trampoline class. It makes me feel young again!
You are doing something positive for yourself. Exercise helps your mood, keeps you upright and improves your attitude. All you have to do is put on your gym shoes and walk. You will feel better and get to know your surroundings.
Starting a blog called Starting Over at Sixty was another important step in defining my independence.
Have you ever gone through a major life event that forced you to start over? If you are struggling to start over, have you tried any of the ideas in this article? Please share your experiences with other women in the community.
Diane LeMay’s Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon
After completing her first Ironman 70.3, Diane LeMay took a couple of weeks off. She needed a new goal. When she met with trainer Kim Clark, Clark asked her about her interests. LeMay, as a seminary student, hopes to become a member of the clergy and work in the prison system. What could combine a triathlon and prison? Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon, with a 1.5-mile swim, an 18-mile bike and 8-mile run!
It was October and the event was coming up in June so there was no time to waste. LeMay’s training was much more intense this time around. It included endurance swimming much more than her original training schedule. She swam 2- 2.5 miles often to get ready for the race. For the cycling portion of the race, LeMay used a virtual trainer several times to help her become familiar with the course, which she found helpful. Recognizing landmarks gave her a mental edge, she thought.
The run in the Alcatraz race incorporates all types of terrain, including sand, trails and roadways. And, there is the dreaded sand ladder at about mile 4.5. To be able to make it up the sand ladder, LeMay had to work on lifting her legs and knees, so she practiced on a set of 148 stairs: she conquered about 1500 steps every other week to get those muscles strengthened. In the race, once you get through the sand ladder there are still about 3.5 miles to run. The training was intense but she felt well prepared. LeMay felt that it was necessary to take a couple of weeks off of work just to focus on her training, so she did.
LeMay doesn’t like to get to a race too early: she gets nervous. So, she went out on Thursday and planned to get in a practice swim in order to get used to the 50-degree water temperature and the waves and to get used to her wetsuit. During her practice swim, LeMay got caught in a riptide. She was swimming forward but going backward. She put her hand up for some needed help from one of the kayak guides, but when it reached her, the man in the kayak said, “You are never going to make it. You have to turn around and swim to the other beach.” Then he was gone. She couldn’t see the other beach. She thought she was going to die right then and there.
LeMay felt like she was going to be OK, but she was taking in water. All the other swimmers were gone. Two women saw her from the dock and began yelling to her that they were going to get help, but she couldn’t hear them. She just kept screaming, “Don’t leave me.” They didn’t. They kept talking to her, and even though she didn’t know what they were saying, it was a relief to know that someone had eyes on her. Soon, a man in a kilt (yes, a kilt) came out on a paddleboard. He said to her, “Your swim is fantastic and your form is great. I am going to paddle next to you and you are going to be fine.” And, she was. When she got out of the water she began to cry. She never saw any of them again.
Processing What Just Happened
Walking the 2.5 miles back to her hotel she had to process what had just happened: it was almost unreal. She knew if she didn’t get back in that water on Saturday for another practice swim she would never get in on Sunday for the race. “I had to slay that dragon,” LeMay said, who went back to her hotel and read a book about “reclaiming your badass.”
The next morning the same group of swimmers was ready for another chance at a practice swim. LeMay told one of the women who was working as a guide, about her experience in the water on the day before. “That woman was so comforting to me and she told me she would have me in her sight for the whole swim,” she said. Whether or not she did was unclear but it didn’t matter. LeMay felt like the woman had her back the whole way, and as hard as it was to make herself jump into that water, she felt excited when she did, she felt free. And, she swam the entire course, coming in with twenty minutes to spare before the cut-off. “I was on Cloud 9,” she said.
Sunday, the Coast Guard made the announcement that the swim portion of the race was canceled: the tide was not conducive to swimming and was unsafe. The race would start with cycling. One woman near LeMay had been trying to get into the race, a lottery, for ten years. LeMay felt so lucky that she had done the swim the day before: now she knew she had accomplished it, even though it wouldn’t be part of the race.
Plan B
The race was unlike any other: they had to bus the participants to the bikes, wetsuits had to come off in 50-degree weather and the races were timed because organizers had to send five people off at a time for safety reasons. But, she did it and she is proud of her accomplishment.
LeMay lost 48 pounds in during her triathlon training, saying that she actually had to start eating more, and smarter, during that time. She learned a lot about protein.
What’s next? LeMay isn’t sure. She suffered a torn meniscus in the sand and had to have surgery. Her knees are not in great shape, so she may have to find new ways to challenge herself. Swimming and biking are her two favorites anyway so an Aquabike might be in her future. The biggest lesson she learned from her first two triathlons: the physical challenges made her an emotionally stronger woman.