I have a friend, a male friend, who has said to me more than once, ” You are one of the women I would take into the trenches with me.” It is his way of saying when the going gets tough the tough get going. I am proud of that. I find it flattering. So, I thought to myself, “Who would you take to the trenches? And I have to tell you that I look around at the people in my inner circle and I have surrounded myself with people who I would take into the trenches if necessary.
Think about the men and women in your life, the folks in your inner circle: would you take most of them into the trenches with you? If the answer is yes, then you are a lucky girl. Good for you! But, if you are assessing your relationships and don’t feel like more than 50% of your go-tos would walk over coals for you, metaphorically speaking, then it is time to take a good, hard look at your relationships and re-evaluate them. Who stays and who goes?
That may sound a little cold, but hear me out. there have been times in my life when I decided that one friend or group of friends was not serving me well. I couldn’t lean back and feel certain that I wouldn’t hit the ground. When I have felt that way in my life, I have made a change. And, while that change has been difficult, it ultimately has been the right decision. I hate to say it, but it is true.
As single women over fifty, many of us have had significant heartbreaks, at least one, in our lives. Couple that with the fact that we do not have a partner with whom we can navigate the rocky roads of aging, and friendships carry extra importance. So, if any relationships are not supporting you in the way that you need for them to support you, then there is no shame in re-evaluating.
Fill your life with people who you would take to the trenches and you will feel more settled, more confident and more at ease in every phase of your life. I promise you that. You deserve people around you who will dive in with you and who will help you come out on the other side alive. When you have that kind of inner circle, it will free you up to be that same kind of friend to others. Try it.
Such words of wisdom, love, Love, it. It is sooo true. Since a lot of us feel we have wasted so many years on someone who we thought we could take in the trenches, ( And boy were we wrong) I think it’s so important- ( at least for me, to not waste anymore time on false relationships) There really are a lot of good, caring people out there, why waste anymore time on people who do not respect you or Superficial realationships.
I’m glad you liked it. You are so right, there is no sense in wasting time on people who, at the end of the day, aren’t in your corner. As I once heard Oprah say, “I don’t need someone to hold the door of a limo for me, I need someone who will help me onto the bus.” It could not be more true.