So, what’s holding you back? Do you think you’ve conquered every demon you have inside from your past? I thought so, but it seems there’s always one more to squash.

Just when I think I have far surpassed my expectations for my new single life, that little devil on my shoulder brings me back to reality, and lets me know that he’s not going away anytime soon: that there will always be remnants of a long, unhappy marriage that alter my thinking via my emotions. Here’s what happened last week:

I have a little convertible that my husband bought me as a gift about 18 years ago. It was expensive: not something I would ever be able to afford now. I loved that car, but it did not fit with my new lifestyle: I couldn’t put a bike rack on it and I ride my bike a lot. And, if there was so much as a flake of snow on the ground I wasn’t going anywhere until the roads were clear. And, of course, it only had two seats.

I’ve needed to replace the vehicle, but my finances are so different from what they were before, and while I am not a totally material girl, I don’t mind admitting that I like nice things. I started to look but didn’t find anything that fit the bill. Then it happened: the clouds opened up to sunlight and the angels started singing and I found my a-little-less-than-new car. Worry set in that I couldn’t afford it, so I went to the dealership and they worked up the numbers and I walked out with a car. Hooray for me!

I honestly had no idea that my old car represented so much to me, but it did. It was holding me back. It was no different from the feeling I had when I was looking for an apartment prior to leaving my husband: the apartments all looked like the ones I had in college and I just couldn’t face the feeling of defeat. But when I walked into my one-room loft downtown I fell in love. I didn’t have to settle for less, I just had to find something that was me. It was the same with the car. Just because I have less money to spend doesn’t have to hold me back from, well, anything!

I learned a couple of lessons buying this new car. First, I created a solution to a situation that was causing me to feel grouchy, even though it was just a silly car. It was what the car represented that mattered. And, second, the way I was feeling about that car was holding me back. I had no idea. Crazy, right?

Now, I realize that there are lots of little things in my life that might be holding me back, that I don’t change, yet I don’t feel good about either. That realization, in my opinion, is huge. I can tell already that I am full of the most minute instances in which I am holding myself back.

I know, this doesn’t sound like much, but it has made a huge difference in the way I am looking at myself and my life and my past. And, the car can represent anything: a wedding ring, your mother’s furniture, even the house that you got in the divorce that is crumbling around you. All of this baggage, from my car to your house, has an effect on our outlooks. And, just by changing the roles of those “things” in your life, you can change everything.

I hope you will take this post and use it to motivate you to think about the things that hold you back. They can be big or small, but no matter the size, they can be critical to your outlook. I think what I am saying is Happy Independence Day!