I was in my doctor’s office waiting room last week and picked up O Magazine to flip through.  The issue was all about happiness and Oprah talked about the places where she feels happy: in the yard playing with her dogs, with the girls from her school, traveling with best friends.  I started thinking about what pictures in my mind make me feel happy.  I surprised myself when the first thing that came to mind was an old memory: I thought of my marital home, in the summer, on a Friday morning.  I could hear the sprinklers on the golf course behind us and I could see that the green grass that rolls on forever on the course.  The pool in the backyard was shiny in the sun and I had beautiful planters around the pool with lots of purple flowers and greenery.  I always liked Friday morning because I was looking forward to the weekend.  Maybe the kids were coming home, maybe not.  Most likely my husband would be playing golf on Friday afternoon and we would have plans to meet up afterward.  That was my happy place, full of anticipation for the weekend and hanging out at the pool with family and friends.  That was everything to me.

Oh no!  The first thing that came to mind was a picture of a family that no longer exists?  A picture of a family that never was?  That is not allowed!  So I set my mind to thinking about where and what makes me happiest where I am now and guess what, my happiness is still focused on my family.  What is surprising to me, however, is that I have not replaced the old mental picture with a new one.  All my happy places in my brain are still stuck in a life that I no longer live and honestly, that never was, and that just makes me mad at myself!  I thought I was killing this single thing and to think that the only memories that come to mind when I want to think of happy scenes in my life are ones in which I am married.  That ends today!

So I have to make a conscious change at once!  It can be very easy to look at the past and see it in rose-colored glasses.  But it wasn’t rosy.  That’s why it isn’t my current life.  Now that I know that my subconscious mind romanticizes my married life, I am going to smash those thoughts right out.  I’m not sure how, but it will happen.  I have to replace those memories but I am not sure I have any replacements right now as go-to happy place memories.  So I have to look to the future.

Replacing those memories are new thoughts of what my life will look like in the next year or two or three.  So many great opportunities are coming my way and I think making room for them by clearing out the dead weight of my marriage memories is a great way to start.  The happiness on the horizon now that I am out of a bad marriage is limitless.

What is the moral of this story?  It might be time to clear out some old, romanticized memories to make room for new, exciting ones that are coming your way, or already have.  You still have plenty of time to create what one day will be your happy places.  If you are romanticizing your former life, stop it!  Look at where you are going and imagine how happy you will be.  So happy that what lies ahead makes your former life look like chopped liver.   You may not be able to see it clearly right now but just getting started on creating a new vision for your life will take over your thinking and help you make new memories.

Thank you, Oprah!  You’ve done it again.