Repost from 4/29/2020

I spoke to a group of women several months ago about confidence. The group was composed of women over fifty, some single and some not. About halfway through the discussion, I realized that my talk was not resonating with the whole group. It was falling flat. I could see some faces glazing over, and I learned a valuable lesson that night.

When I speak with other single women about confidence, they are all ears. We single women 50+ know that confidence can often be lacking in our lives. But, I think it’s not as critical for our married counterparts. Hmm.

There are lots of reasons for a lack of confidence that we share with our married sisters: our parts are all starting to break down a little and we all sometimes feel invisible. But, when I became single after 32 years of marriage, I realized that there was one confidence buster that I didn’t even know existed. Entering every room alone. That’s it for me. 100% of the time entering the room alone.

Seems silly doesn’t it. But it’s true and it’s there always. I’m not talking about grocery stores and gyms, of course. I know how to do that. But here is a shortlist of the places that I might walk into alone often: church, weddings, restaurants, funerals, movies, sporting events (well not really), concerts, graduations. Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone. And that can easily eat away at confidence.

Close your eyes and think about yourself when you were a young woman for a minute. Remember when you felt like you owned the room? Like you were vital to what was happening? Like everyone would want you to sit with them? I try to muster up that feeling sometimes now to fool myself into confidence.

The most important trick you can use as you spend your life walking into everywhere alone is planning. I know you hear me talk about planning all the time, but it really helps settle your nerves if you are heading into uncharted territory (let’s say you are fearful that you will run into your former husband at a graduation party).

Make a Plan

Make a plan to meet a friend or colleague at your destination. Ask a friend to save you a seat and try to get there after you think she will have arrived. It gives you someone to look for rather than having a deer-in-the-headlights expression on your face.

Walk With Purpose

When I am going into a crowded restaurant or bar and I feel a little uncomfortable about it, I just head in like I am the most important person in the room. Head held high, walking with a purpose, looking like I know right where I’m going, even if I head right to the Ladies Room. I put on my “I am so important and busy,” posture and no one is the wiser. I might be scared to death but if I walk with purpose I don’t look it.

Laugh at Your Phone

For so many reasons our cell phone is our friend, but never so much so as when we need to look very busy or very important or very popular. I will admit that I have, on more than one occasion, looked at my texts and laughed out loud at absolutely nothing, just to appear that I am very much in demand. I hope I fool at least one person.

What are your tricks to looking confident when you are not? We can all learn from each other and grow more confident. I can’t wait to hear from you.