I hear the word “tribe” a lot lately. It is a buzz word of sorts. Just as “team” is to the professional life, “tribe” is to the personal life. I heard someone say that the five people who are closest to you say everything about who you are. That got me thinking about who those people are, and while I don’t know if the number five has any significance in my life, contemplating the important people in my life has me beaming with pride. I look at that group of people and there is not one I would trade in for a new model. From my children to my family members to my core group of friends and beyond, my tribe is awesome. I am actually a little embarrassed even to consider my tribe because every member is so strong. I don’t really feel like I deserve the tribe I have. But I am glad I have them.
My children, well, need I say more? They are the most important members of my tribe. What I see in my children is the best of what my husband and I had to offer, without the bad stuff. How did that happen? Or they may be great kids in spite of us! But they have surrounded themselves with quality people too so I feel comfortable with their tribes, as they are an extension of my own.
When I left my home and my husband in my home, I got a little bit of a do-over. It wasn’t conscious, but I had the chance to curate my own tribe to include those people who I enjoy, who support me and I them, who are interesting, and who are full of the things that were lacking in my marriage: transparency, integrity, communication, and trustworthiness. Those are my personal pillars (My tribe has a four-pillared tent for my visual).
So for me, the people in my tribe aren’t a representation of me, they are a representation of who I aspire to be. They each have traits that I want to have or wish I had and elevate me and make me better. When I think about what my future looks like I know now that I can only add someone to my tribe who is of that caliber. Someone who enhances my life and the lives of the people in my tribe.
No one needs to take my advice, that’s for sure, but take a look at your tribe and if there is anyone who brings you down, who brings down the level of integrity of your tribe, it might be time to rethink that relationship. I didn’t know how to do that when I was married, but I do now. Because when someone brings you down, whatever the reason, it weighs on you and it shows. I know it showed on me for years. The integrity of your tribe will always suffer as long as you have people in your life who bring you down or just don’t match up to what you want your tribe to look like. Change that picture in your mind then change your life.
