A few years ago I received a Christmas card with a note in it from a friend.  It said, “a donation has been made to a local hospital in your name.”  Nice, thank you.  But for some reason, I didn’t feel like it was nice.  I kind of had a scrunched up face after I read it.  Wasn’t I happy that a donation had been made?  Of course, I was.  Wasn’t it nice of them to make such a generous gift?  It was.  And, didn’t I give when I could?  I did.  So why was I not very happy.  I had everything I needed and then some, so, it wasn’t the actual gift I was grouchy about.  I couldn’t understand why it left a bad taste in my mouth.  Something was off.  Giving to charity is rewarding, right?

Here’s why I didn’t like it ( it took me a while to process). Because it took the most fun part of being charitable out of the equation for me: the physical act of making a donation of money or time is what makes me feel so good inside.  And et’s face it, I had been hit by the trifecta of gift -giving let downs:  I had already sent his gift to him, so he was going to open it and be happy because I am a good gift-giver, I was not getting a gift from him (not much of a loss, but a loss just the same) and the gift giver felt all warm and fuzzy because he had made a substantial donation to a local hospital.  I want to say again, I was very happy that the hospital got the donation.

Now, I know that not one person in my life needs anything.  Even my adult children are well cared for and are comfortable in their lives.  And, if you follow Starting Over at Sixty you know that I have written extensively about how happy it makes me to give back to my community.  But the fun, the happiness, the real joy of volunteering or donating is in the doing.  In the volunteering, in the learning about the needs of the community, in the meeting of the people who appreciate your help no matter how small and in the donating, if that’s the route you take.  It really is what the season is all about.  Charity is personal.  It is something that you don’t have to do but want to do.

If someone wants to give in your honor this year, good for the recipient.  But, you will miss out on the best part, the part that makes you feel good.