I thought that when I hit my sixties my life would be smooth sailing:  kids launched and happy, husband in his most lucrative years in his career before winding down and me continuing to support them all in my older, white-haired way.  Holy cow doesn’t that sound peachy?  Hah!  At sixty-two my children are indeed launched and happy, but that’s where the similarities to my naive vision end.  I moved out of my marital home just before I turned sixty and was divorced at sixty-one.  My hair is brown (you heard me, brown!) and while I do offer my children all the support I can, that rosy picture of what the last third of my life was going to look like is up in smoke.

My Life Looked Rosy

Since the time that I left home, I have met and talked with so many women, single and married, 50+, and if there is a common thread it is this: no one, not one of us, isn’t going through something.  And, I’m not talking about a hangnail: I am talking about really difficult issues, whether with the children, health and the health of loved ones, marital status, or a combination of these, every single woman is carrying something heavy.  I know that my daughter would like to forget the number of times that she’s heard me say,” No one goes unscathed.”  It seems like I say it more and more frequently than I ever would have imagined.  I used to believe that there were people who honestly did have it all, who got it right, who were lucky in life.  And, while that may be true sometimes, from my vantage point, it doesn’t happen often.

So, think of all the women you come into contact with every day, every week, every month.  There are a lot, I’m sure.  Now, think about the fact that maybe half of them are really struggling with something personal and intense.  The lady next to you in yoga isn’t being very friendly.  The woman ahead of you in the grocery store line didn’t look up and notice that you only had a couple of items and could have easily let you ahead of her.  Your friend hasn’t returned your call in a week.   You always meet your sister for lunch on the last Friday of the month to catch up and she canceled last minute.  Rats!  Those all make you grouchy, right?

Put On Your “You’re having a rough day, aren’t you” Glasses

Now, put on your “you are having a rough day, aren’t you” glasses and see how you feel about those little annoyances.  Not that big a deal are they?  It’s amazing how your attitude toward someone can change when you take your own feelings out of the equation and give the other person a break.  Cut them a little slack, just to be nice.  Changing my attitude about the day ahead and the people around me has made me softer, and happier, as well.  I feel more compassionate, without really having anything to be compassionate about.  Just trying to give the people I come into contact with a pass when they aren’t at their best, creates a “reflection” of compassion back toward me.  Others are treating me with more compassion.  They are kinder to me when I am kinder to them.  That golden rule thing really works!

So, my message to you is this:  every woman with whom you come into contact is dealing with something.  If you treat her with that in the back of your mind, you will feel good about yourself while you empathize with her.  You don’t have to know everything going on in someone’s head to know that you can help make her day a little bit better.

Has there been a time when someone made your day without knowing it?  Were you struggling with something internally?  I love reading happy stories!