Travel
If you follow Starting Over at Sixty you know that I talk a lot about travel and the confidence it takes to be able to do it alone. Well, I have been traveling for the better part of six weeks, some alone and some not, and I can tell you one thing’s for sure: there’s no place like home! I thought I would be sad as I got on the plane in San Diego to head home, but I was excited. As much as I loved every minute of my adventure, I was ready to come home. I’m not sure about the take away from that but I have some ideas.
First, as much as I loved not getting up with an alarm clock and not having to dash here and there, the time has come for me to get back into my routine. I need to not read or watch Netflix until 1:30 a.m. and it’s time to get my bottom out of bed before 8:30. That all felt great but a little lazy after a while. It is time to get back to working out more often rather than saying I am going for a run, which is really going for a walk which is honestly me walking somewhere for lunch. Hardly broke a sweat!
It’s also time to STOP EATING AND DRINKING five times a day, seven days a week. It got bad, I’m not going to lie. We started picking up dessert after breakfast every day! Bad, bad, bad.
Also, my readiness to return has to do with my attitude. I used to hate coming home from vacation, what I call re-entry. It made me grouchy and I think that had to do with going back to my anything-but-happy marriage routine: I hated to get back to that normal. Now, I have so much to look forward to and such a warm environment where I live, I think I actually missed my place, all one room of it. It is cozy and happy and safe and not filled with loneliness.
So, I really do mean, there’s no place like home. Now, it’s time to get back to the routine that I love.
Read MoreAt the end of 2017, after more than three years trying to get divorced, I became a single woman. A divorcee ( very Liz Taylor sounding, isn’t it?). It was a long, painful process. Knowing that the day was coming up, that my life was changing permanently, I decided to give myself the gift of time and travel. I started the year right! I planned to be away from home for the better part of the winter months: in the past January and February had proven to be rough months for me living alone. So I put together an itinerary that had business, recreation and family visits. Yippee!
The bookends of my tour were Social Media Conferences, one in New York and one in San Diego. In between, I would celebrate my birthday and my son’s birthday, I would attend a knitting convention and I would visit with other family members and my other two children. I added some leisure, with the challenge that I had to try new things along the way. some of my travels have been on my own and some with friends. And it’s not over yet. I still have a couple of weeks left of my amazing journey. It has been a blast. Here are some of the highlights below.
Sea Kayaking in Puerta Vallarta. We did it! It’s a little hard on your back but still fun. It was the most beautiful day and the water was cool and the air was warm and I loved it. This island is so pristine that we didn’t even dock the boat there: we just entered the water from the rear of the boat. Lots of people snorkeled, some did scuba, but we decided to stay above water if we could manage that!
I have wanted to try paddleboarding for a while, but I was not prepared to squeeze my big self into a wetsuit in front of all the young people on the boat that day, so I opted to stay on my knees: the water was pretty chilly. Still, I can say I have done that and I liked it and would try it again for sure. It is not easy!
Tom and Don Tootle were too chicken to let their horses gallop, but I did it. Probably not doing it again, though. I don’t think my bladder could take it. I think all three of us were proud of ourselves for riding and we were ready for a cerveza when it was over. It was beautiful at the top of the canyon. Very rocky terrain so it was extra brave of us to make the five-mile ride, don’t you think.
I never thought I would like taking a hot air balloon ride but I did. It is so serene with just the sound of the fire. It gave us the opportunity to get the lay of the land in San Miguel and to see the surrounding areas.
Probably my favorite activity that we did was to learn to make tamales with Marilau at her traditional cooking school. We learned about the flour that is only found in Mexico that she buys at the Grinder (not the dating app). It has a very soft texture, not at all like the corn flour that we use in the states. And, we made a couple of salsas that were mouth watering and added a side dish of poblanos. So fun. I think I might try it when I get home. We grilled onions and tomatillos for a verde salsa. As Marilau says, “Mexican’s do not dip, they spoon.”
I made this tamale my self. Love the traditional plate. I stopped at htree but honestly, I think I could have doubled that, they were so fresh and good.
No matter which direction you turn, you will see a church in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. It keeps me from getting lost: I don’t have to look at a map, I just have to look up and get myself back to La Parroquia.
There are so many topiary gardens around SMA. Even full-size trees are manicured to within an inch of their lives. Really beautiful. This one is on the grounds of a hotel.
It’s time to move on to the next leg of my adventure so I will keep you posted.
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February can be a rough month for women who are sixty and single. I have never cared much for Valentine’s Day, whether I was in a relationship or not. It always seemed forced and competitive and just too much. When the kids were little I remember it being a huge celebration that was only rivaled, in the elementary school, by Halloween. It felt like a popularity contest among the children and among the mothers.
So, during the years that I knew my marriage would be ending it was torture. I thought I wouldn’t miss Valentine’s Day one bit when I became single, but I was wrong. I didn’t love it before, I hated it now that I was sitting in my tiny apartment with my dog, Red, having a pity party. Now, it wasn’t an option so it became important to me. Go figure.
February is Rough
Immediately following Valentine’s Day is President’s Day Weekend and that first year on my own seemed like every single human I knew went away for that long weekend. The weather was below zero and the word long to describe that three day weekend could not have been more accurate. It was bad, I was miserable and I now knew what was like to be alone during the Valentine’s Day week. I told my self that I would never again experience that kind of loneliness over a stupid holiday and a stupid long weekend in February.
Since that bad February a couple of years ago I have made it a point to travel during the middle of the month of February in order to avoid a meltdown. It doesn’t have to be a big trip, just one that keeps me busy doing something I love. I might go to my hometown and visit friends, or take a knitting class or visit one of my children. Anything that will keep my brain engaged is perfect for the middle of February.
Now, if you don’t have someone to love on Valentine’s Day, find something you love to do and enjoy. That’s more fun than exchanging a card anyway, right? Treat yourself, get through the rough days and remember Spring is right around the corner.
Read MoreI know as a single woman in her later years, it might be scary to think about travel alone. I get it. I wasn’t sure I could even do it, but I can and I do. As a matter of fact, I have been able to gain confidence through travel on my own.
When it comes to vacations, my former husband and I had such different ideas that I now realize that I have been traveling by alone all my adult life. There is hardly any difference, except that there is not another body at the dinner table. But if I am honest with myself, that was all my husband was when we went on trips, another body. He was always very busy checking scores: it seemed to be a full-time job. His other activities were finding a sporting event in the area to attend, finding a local golf course and finding a sports bar to watch sports-anything. So, to say that traveling by myself is new isn’t quite accurate: I have always made my own plans for travel.
Gain Confidence
So, if you want to travel as a single woman but feel unsure about it, start small. My adult children live in great cities around the country, so if I am visiting them for a weekend, I usually add a day or two on the beginning or end of the trip to scout out shops, restaurants and culture (OK, no culture). That is the perfect way to to make arrangements for travel with the safety net being your children or other family members.
I have also found that registering for an event or conference that sounds interesting to you is a great way to travel alone. You meet people there to maybe have dinner with or at least sit next to for the day. I am a knitter, so once a year I go to Vogue Knitting Live in New York. I take classes during the day for a couple of days, see a play, try a new restaurant and do a little shopping on the extra day that I add in.
All these baby steps will give you the confidence to do more. And, confidence is sexy.
Some Trips are Better Than Others
So, those are easy, right? Not all travel is that easy alone. I had to spend about a week in Florida by myself last year and you might think that would be heavenly. It was not. I sat by myself on the beach all day watching lots of families having a great time. I rode a bike during the day by myself. I then would force myself to go to one of the local restaurants and get something to eat at the bar, hoping to have someone to talk to during dinner. I did not. Then I would go back to my sad little room and do the same thing the next day. The lesson learned? I don’t need solitude. I am single and I have solitude out the wazoo! I need a little interaction. Now, if I want to take a trip somewhere and don’t have a companion or plan, I look for classes in the area. Cooking classes are number one on my list because you interact with the natives. They can give you ideas as to what to do and what to see in the area. It can be anything, just use it as a way to talk and interact with locals. You have to give yourself a little push now and then when you are on your own but it is worth it.
So, now my story about confidence and learning about myself through travel. Yesterday I decided to go horseback riding, which is something I do not do. I wanted to expand my horizons, and I did. I learned that I will have much more confidence if I ever do that again because I will wear a Depends!
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I love my children and when I think of all the trips we have taken over the years I have so many wonderful memories. I will always treasure those times, but I know I have forgotten how much work it was to get everything and everyone lined up, to get everyone packed, to find activities that all three children would like, and the list goes on. Maybe some memories are better forgotten!
Being newly single and in my sixties, I was apprehensive about what travel would look like for me moving forward. Let me just say, and pay attention here, IT IS GREAT! I can’t stop making plans for travel now; I enjoy it so much. When I traveled with my husband the room was a mess, he had to have the side closest to the bathroom and a game was on the TV before I could even take my shoes off. He packed more clothes than I did and you can guess who was in the middle seat on the plane. All very trivial, of course, and nothing to fight over.
But, now that I am often traveling alone, my room is so peaceful and lovely and not messy. I might not even turn on the TV. That’s right! What a rebel. Of course, I’m joking, and I would much rather be in a happy marriage and taking trips with my husband than have a clean hotel room. This is me looking on the bright side.
A bi-product of my new, single status has been that my adult children have somehow made more time to travel with me. I have no doubt that they don’t like to see me traveling alone all the time and I could just kiss them all over for that.
And, somehow I have passed the planning baton off to them and they have picked it up without missing a beat. They are all excellent at finding activities, restaurants, things of interest, transportation. I get to just go along for the ride and I always pay so they will keep coming back for more! I just returned from an extended trip with my daughter, and I loved every minute of it. She made all the plans, and I was her happy passenger. She looked at the map, and I followed her lead. It’s was the best.
Because my adult children live in Boston, Chicago and Los Angeles, getting everyone together at one time is nearly impossible, but when we do travel together, I get to experience them as they are as adults, together. I am intrigued by their interactions with each other, and with me, as they are now, rather than as they were when they lived at home. Taking trips together creates a level playing field where their old roles vanish and we all get to know each other in a different way. I can’t say enough good things about it.
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