Stories
Jaime’s Life Changes Course
That arrest may have been the best thing that could have happened to Jaime. First, it got her out of an abusive, captive relationship, where she was already in a prison of sorts. Then, it lead her to Tapestry, a recovery program within the Ohio Reformatory for Women: it was a critical pivot point in her life. Jaime learned self-validation, rather than seeking validation from others. She learned that she had so much anger internally, anger aimed at herself, that had not been addressed over the years. The dissociative disorder that had been diagnosed when she was a young child was brought to the forefront. She was taught how to recognize the signs of those internal demons and how to stop the behavior before it takes over.
While in prison she also joined a program focused on human trafficking victims, where she learned how to trust someone prior to intimacy, a concept that would have been lost on the old Jaime. She took classes focused on domestic violence while there as well.
Jaime spent 3.5 years in prison before going to a halfway house. She then traveled to Columbus, Ohio to join the Harmony Project, and David Brown, the director. “I knew he wouldn’t let me down,” Jaime told me. “I knew I’d be OK with David Brown,” she said, and we both knew what she meant. The Harmony Project group took Jaime under their “wings.”
“Now, I work at The Old Spaghetti Warehouse full-time, and I go to Columbus State Community College full-time,” she told me with great pride. And she should be proud. Her youngest son is living with her, too. “It breaks my heart that I wasn’t there for them when they needed me,” she said of her relationship with her children. While her youngest lives with her, her daughter is more in and out of her life and her other son is in constant communication. And, that man who cared for Jaime’s son back when she was using and was not able to be the parent that she wished she could have been. “I have a lot of shame about that. I don’t talk about it a lot because I have to admit to myself the mess I made.” Well, she has spoken with him. He was someone who was so kind to her when she wasn’t being kind to herself.
“What do you want to do next,” I asked her. If she could do anything, and I believe she can after all of this, it would be to put in place a program in which a judge, or children’s services, could give a female offender one more chance, one more opportunity for change before she loses everything. “Prison ended up being my chance,” she said. But she went on to say that she feels that there could be a program that could be used at a judge’s discretion for a woman to have one more opportunity before losing her children and serving jail time. “It (prison) definitely worked for me. I just wish I had had the resources, the knowledge, sooner.”
Jaime has been back to the prison where she spent years of her life, talking to women about her story. Her mantra, “Just start.” She said she writes it on her hand sometimes when she gets nervous. “I tell them to take chances, be willing to learn and just start. Take the necessary steps and be willing to be reachable. Don’t let the fear take over, just start.”
Jaime was featured in a brief documentary about human trafficking here.
To learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder click here.
Read MoreGet Inspired by Jaime’s Story
I met Jaime in the Harmony Project, a citywide choir for which I volunteer. But, prior to that, I had met her at the women’s prison in my state. She was in a recovery program called Tapestry and through Harmony Project, I visit there, singing with the women in that program. Now, Jaime is on the outside and came to Columbus because she knew she had a support system through the Harmony Project. She sings in the choir. I didn’t really know her story but I knew that she always has a smile on her face and is outgoing and making good use of this second chance. I didn’t know her background but knowing she had been in a recovery program in prison let me know, at the very least, her life had been somehow shaped by substance abuse. When she sat down and started talking to me my jaw dropped to the ground.
Jaime began by telling me that at an early age, and by early I mean within months after her birth, her life became a series of sexual assaults by nearly every man with whom she came in contact. She developed Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID, to protect herself from the pain, both physical and emotional. “Dissociative Identity Disorder made everything bad that was happening to me feel like a dream. I had to escape that horrible reality to survive,” Jaime told me. She soon was placed in the foster care system, where she found more of the same abuse. She thought her luck had turned but her adoptive mother was extremely mean. Something was still missing in Jaime’s heart.
She married after leaving her adoptive home and had two children. She was afraid to touch her first child because she was terrified that she would abuse him: it was all she knew. What was still missing in Jaime’s life was a relationship with her biological family. She left her husband with her two children and returned to the family that she craved and the love of her biological mother. But, she had unrealistic expectations of that family. She said, “I was looking for Little House on the Prairie. I was always running from something and running toward something at the same time.”
For an extended period of time, Jaime was in a healthy relationship. She had had another child, a son, who was living with her. She told me that the man in her life said he could tell when she was “zoning out.” “He said he could look into my eyes and I was gone,” she told me. She began to use methamphetamine, which to her felt like reality, something so strange to think about now. The man in her life took care of her son as she was unable to do it herself. She was an addict. She became promiscuous and became involved with a bad guy.
Now she was being trafficked, she was an addict and was being held captive by her “boyfriend,” Then her life changed. She was arrested for drug trafficking. As the arrest was happening she said that she felt relief, the relief of finally getting away from that relationship.
To Be Continued…
Jaime’s story was featured in a short documentary you can view here.
For more information on DID, click here.
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Setting Goals: My First Triathlon
In 2015, Diane found that she needed a new goal: she had experienced the break up of a long time relationship, she had gained weight and she felt that she just wasn’t herself: she wanted to get the active part of herself back. She was already a cyclist and loved it, and with her running background, she knew that if she could learn to swim, really swim properly, she could attempt a half-Ironman race. So, she made that her goal. It was December 2015 and the only Ironman-sponsored event in Ohio was a 70.3 in August of 2016. It was the first time Ironman had come to Ohio and it was in eight months!
Diane enlisted the help of Coach Kim Clark, who had her start swimming on December 26, 2015: there was no time to waste so the day after Christmas Diane was in the water, and for 18 months Diane has continued to learn and train to be a better swimmer. Now she loves it. She finds that when it is just her and the water swimming has a meditative quality. “I pray a lot when I swim,” she said.
Her biggest obstacle in swimming was that she had a hard time putting her head all the way in the water. So her coach taught her a trick: she pretends that when she is blowing bubbles she is talking to the fish and that when she is breathing and her ear is to the ground she is listening to them talk. Diane also learned to breathe bilaterally from her coach not only to balance her breathing but to give her the option of choosing one side over another if the sun is in her eyes when swimming. Coach Kim Clark also created hardships for Diane (swimming over her) to get her mentally ready for the swim. She even enlisted the help of a swim class full of children to jump in and swim over Diane.
Transitions were difficult at first because of the heaviness coming out of the water and moving on to the bike. It was a “different kind of hard,” she said. Biking to running was all about recruiting different muscles and changing your rhythm.
After eight months of training, Diane did her first IRONMAN. Swim 1.2 miles, bike 56 and run a half marathon, 13.1 miles, in Delaware, Ohio. “I actually enjoyed it,” she said. But the swim was tough. She had a hard time swimming in a straight line and says she knows she swam much farther than the 1.2 miles. During the first five minutes, she had a panic attack. Her heart rate was skyrocketing and she couldn’t catch her breath. The next wave of swimmers was passing her. She swam over to one of the kayaks in the water for safety and just waited to get her heart rate down, then she was fine and completed the swim. Her concern: Would she make it in the time allotted for the swim, or be disqualified? “I made it with six minutes to spare,” Diane said.
She took a couple of weeks off after the IRONMAN, then thought she would just continue to do some maintenance training. Her coach had other ideas for her. She asked Diane, “What makes you get up in the morning? What are the things you are passionate about?
Well now, Diane was passionate about triathlons. But, she also has a passion for helping those who are incarcerated. She hopes to work in the prison system when she becomes an ordained minister. Put those two interests together and there is just one place to go: Alcatraz.
If you are interested in learning more about becoming a triathlete like Diane LeMay, go to http://beginnertriathlete.com/.
Read MoreDiane Lemay’s Second Triathlon
If you are interested in learning more about how to get started in training for a triathlon, go to http://beginnertriathlete.com/.
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Diane LeMay’s Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon
After completing her first Ironman 70.3, Diane LeMay took a couple of weeks off. She needed a new goal. When she met with trainer Kim Clark, Clark asked her about her interests. LeMay, as a seminary student, hopes to become a member of the clergy and work in the prison system. What could combine a triathlon and prison? Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon, with a 1.5-mile swim, an 18-mile bike and 8-mile run!
It was October and the event was coming up in June so there was no time to waste. LeMay’s training was much more intense this time around. It included endurance swimming much more than her original training schedule. She swam 2- 2.5 miles often to get ready for the race. For the cycling portion of the race, LeMay used a virtual trainer several times to help her become familiar with the course, which she found helpful. Recognizing landmarks gave her a mental edge, she thought.
The run in the Alcatraz race incorporates all types of terrain, including sand, trails and roadways. And, there is the dreaded sand ladder at about mile 4.5. To be able to make it up the sand ladder, LeMay had to work on lifting her legs and knees, so she practiced on a set of 148 stairs: she conquered about 1500 steps every other week to get those muscles strengthened. In the race, once you get through the sand ladder there are still about 3.5 miles to run. The training was intense but she felt well prepared. LeMay felt that it was necessary to take a couple of weeks off of work just to focus on her training, so she did.
LeMay doesn’t like to get to a race too early: she gets nervous. So, she went out on Thursday and planned to get in a practice swim in order to get used to the 50-degree water temperature and the waves and to get used to her wetsuit. During her practice swim, LeMay got caught in a riptide. She was swimming forward but going backward. She put her hand up for some needed help from one of the kayak guides, but when it reached her, the man in the kayak said, “You are never going to make it. You have to turn around and swim to the other beach.” Then he was gone. She couldn’t see the other beach. She thought she was going to die right then and there.
LeMay felt like she was going to be OK, but she was taking in water. All the other swimmers were gone. Two women saw her from the dock and began yelling to her that they were going to get help, but she couldn’t hear them. She just kept screaming, “Don’t leave me.” They didn’t. They kept talking to her, and even though she didn’t know what they were saying, it was a relief to know that someone had eyes on her. Soon, a man in a kilt (yes, a kilt) came out on a paddleboard. He said to her, “Your swim is fantastic and your form is great. I am going to paddle next to you and you are going to be fine.” And, she was. When she got out of the water she began to cry. She never saw any of them again.
Processing What Just Happened
Walking the 2.5 miles back to her hotel she had to process what had just happened: it was almost unreal. She knew if she didn’t get back in that water on Saturday for another practice swim she would never get in on Sunday for the race. “I had to slay that dragon,” LeMay said, who went back to her hotel and read a book about “reclaiming your badass.”
The next morning the same group of swimmers was ready for another chance at a practice swim. LeMay told one of the women who was working as a guide, about her experience in the water on the day before. “That woman was so comforting to me and she told me she would have me in her sight for the whole swim,” she said. Whether or not she did was unclear but it didn’t matter. LeMay felt like the woman had her back the whole way, and as hard as it was to make herself jump into that water, she felt excited when she did, she felt free. And, she swam the entire course, coming in with twenty minutes to spare before the cut-off. “I was on Cloud 9,” she said.
Sunday, the Coast Guard made the announcement that the swim portion of the race was canceled: the tide was not conducive to swimming and was unsafe. The race would start with cycling. One woman near LeMay had been trying to get into the race, a lottery, for ten years. LeMay felt so lucky that she had done the swim the day before: now she knew she had accomplished it, even though it wouldn’t be part of the race.
Plan B
The race was unlike any other: they had to bus the participants to the bikes, wetsuits had to come off in 50-degree weather and the races were timed because organizers had to send five people off at a time for safety reasons. But, she did it and she is proud of her accomplishment.
LeMay lost 48 pounds in during her triathlon training, saying that she actually had to start eating more, and smarter, during that time. She learned a lot about protein.
What’s next? LeMay isn’t sure. She suffered a torn meniscus in the sand and had to have surgery. Her knees are not in great shape, so she may have to find new ways to challenge herself. Swimming and biking are her two favorites anyway so an Aquabike might be in her future. The biggest lesson she learned from her first two triathlons: the physical challenges made her an emotionally stronger woman.