Elegant Lifestyle
What change did you make after being locked down for three months? For me, I learned that I need to use the good stuff for myself and not just for others.
There is a fragrance that I love and have worn for several years. It’s expensive. So, when I became single and felt like I needed to be a little more frugal, I decided to wear it just for special occasions. I have a less expensive fragrance that I wear daily. Very cost-conscious of me, don’t you think?
I volunteer at a women’s prison and the women love the smell of that expensive stuff: they comment on it every single time I walk in. So I spray it on for my visits there, and for dates, which means I only wear it to the prison! I can make a bottle last forever that way.
I was rationing my perfume during the lockdown by wearing it only on days when I had Zoom get-togethers: I pretended that I was going out on those days. It made me happy and I felt dressed up. I had to ask myself why I decided that I was going to ration something that makes me so happy? How much money could I be saving on fragrance? Pennies? It’s crazy! No more!
Now, I am spraying myself head to toe with the good stuff every day! I’m like Pig Pen from the Peanuts comics walking down the street with visible clouds around me. And, I love it.
So, no more saving the good stuff for others. I’m going to use it all the time. If I want to wear it when I go to bed, alone, I’m wearing it. If I want to wear it to the gym, that’s fine.
If you’re saving your best for others, stop. Whether it’s dishes or clothing or fragrance, do not save the good stuff for everyone else. Use it for yourself! You are the only one you need to make happy.
Read MoreThis weekend one of my best friends came to visit overnight. I hadn’t realized how few times I have guests in my place: outside my children, the number of times is NEVER. I was excited because I love my home.
It felt great to have my home neat and tidy. It is always neat and tidy, but when there is someone to see it I am happier getting it looking great. I looked forward to having someone actually see where I live because I love it and I’m proud of it and I wanted to show it to my friend. So, I was happy with anticipation. We had a great time together.
Fast forward to her heading home this morning. We had a wonderful 24 hours, as always. And I figured out what felt so good about showing her my new home: I got to show one of my lifelong friends who I am now, by way of my home.
As lifelong friends, she had seen my homes over the years and how I lived with my family. Then, she came to see me on the day after I moved out of my marital home and into a one-room loft apartment, it did not feel like a happy moment. And she saw this place for a moment when it was under construction before I moved in. It had been nearly two years since Z had been to my home.
My New Lifestyle
This time, for the first time in more than five years, I had the chance to show my life to someone who has known me in every stage. I am proud of who I am now and my home reflects this girl. I honestly didn’t know why I love my home so much and now I do: it’s me. It’s me right now, not who I used to be.
So, thank you Z. I was so excited for you to see my new life and now I get why it was so important for me to show it to you: it isn’t just a home, it is a reflection of the changes in my life.
If you aren’t living in a way that reflects who you are now, rather than who you were 10, 20 or 30 years ago, make some changes. You don’t have to spend lots of money or completely start over, but just make your home feel like you.
Read MoreRepost from 2/9/2016
My home has changed with my new life. I have always lived in older homes and mostly I have had plenty of room. Not that our houses were fancy, just houses with lots of room. A bedroom for each child growing up and a playroom. My husband and I each had our own dressing rooms (we had plenty of rooms, just no closets). Bathroom space was ample. And, I always had an office at home. As my children left the nest we continued to keep their bedrooms intact; however, my oldest son had to contend with his room becoming my craft and sewing room when he was away. He got over it.
A little background…when I was about 15 my parents split. We had to sell our house, and my Mom and I moved into an apartment. I hated it. I wanted to be an ordinary family and live in a regular house with two regular, married-to-each-other, parents. I was devastated by all of it. I loved my family and my house and my room, and now it was gone. I loved my home. Our new apartment was very cool and probably looked super glamorous to some of my friends. I hated it. Hate hate hated it. Have I made myself clear?
Now fast forward about forty-five years…my husband wanted to keep our house; the man who could not have been less engaged in any part of our home life now wished to maintain the house on the golf course. Shocking. So, my challenge was to find a place that would work for me and allow the kids to stay at my place some of the time when they are home. Of course, I want them all of the time, but we can’t always get what we want. I started looking for an apartment that could accommodate my dog and me, visiting twenty-somethings and my office. What I found was that I would be able to have all of those things if I stacked the children in the office when they visit. Interesting concept: air mattress, son, air mattress, son, air mattress, daughter. I kept looking. It was depressing, and it felt like I was going backward rather than moving forward.
I looked for a new place in the trendiest area of my city, but there was just too much vomit on the sidewalks after Friday and Saturday nights. I love being around young people but not at 2 a.m. when the bars close.
Then the clouds opened up, and a sunbeam was shining on a small brick building in downtown. The ad said it was a loft, but I had my doubts. My search had taught me that loft is a very loose term. I walked into a unit that would be open in a few months and … I … was … home. Brick walls, exposed beams and a concrete floor…it all screamed Paula. My kind of place.
Here is how I can best describe my apartment: one of my favorite TV shows of all time is Everybody Loves Raymond. I am sure I have seen every episode numerous times and can recite many of them line for line. Ray Barone refers to the “cafegymatorium” when talking about an area of the school building. Can’t you just picture it. The long tables, with bench seating and wheels that fold up and move to the side for volleyball, then the room is reworked again that day, for the Girl Scout Talent Show that evening. That’s what my new apartment is. The all-purpose living space. I am trying to come up with a one-word description. All I have is “offlibeddin” (think Armageddon). If you have any suggestions, let me know.
Read MoreIt’s been a long time in the making, but what you are looking at is the new and much-improved startingoveratsixty.com. Everything that you like about the site is still here (weekly blog posts and all the past posts are here for you to read anytime). But, there are more options now:
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- The opportunity to work one-on-one with Paula to create a roadmap toward living the life you always envisioned for yourself as a single woman 50, 60, 70 and beyond.
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I want you to know that you can come here for help and inspiration: this can be the place where you can find some answers and offer solutions for your Sisters.
We are all in this together, so let’s make this the best time of our lives!
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Read MoreOne of the best ways to lift your mood is by de-cluttering. It’s true. Here is my tale over the last few weeks: I lived in a one-room loft. When I left my house and husband three years ago my goal was to create a place for my adult children to visit that looked like home to them. And, I probably wanted it to look like home for me as well. My tiny place was filled with all the trinkets of the past, those things that meant so much. And, I was glad they were around for me to look at while I sat there in my place stunned at what had just happened to my life. There was comfort in things. Although my place was small, it was filled with memories. When each of my children came to visit, I told them that I hoped that it looked like home to them. It did. Mission accomplished.
Fast forward three years and I moved into a condo that is nearly three times the size of that little apartment. It has floor to ceiling windows with a loft living space and it is light and airy. So as I was unpacking box after box (don’t ask me how I had all this stuff in a one-room loft) and putting everything away I realized that I didn’t need to make this place look like a replica of my children’s home. I have done that. I eased them into the world where their parents lived in two different places. I did my job. I don’t have to fill this place with family memories. And, I think I don’t need to surround myself with clay projects that the kids made 20 years ago. Love them, but don’t have to see them every day.
With that in mind, I am feeling lighter, physically lighter. I don’t have to throw everything away, but, clearing it out and putting it away makes me feel better. I am not weighed down by the memories that were facing me daily when I awakened. I can wake up with a clean slate and move forward rather than letting objects keep me in the past.
Here is Your Challenge
You can do the same. If you are single you, of course, love your children and are probably surrounded by them through stuff. You don’t have to say goodbye to the stuff, just put it away. I am keeping the stuff, just not dusting the stuff every week. Take this challenge: clear off your refrigerator or a countertop or vanity this week and see how it makes you feel. Do you feel lighter? Physically lighter? That action alone can lift your mood and lighten your heart, even if it is temporary. And if tomorrow you put up a new refrigerator magnet, no worries, today your mood will be light and airy because you don’t have to manage and look at the stuff today.
I hope you will try this and let me know how de-cluttering even just a small portion of your life makes you feel. Let’s face it, there aren’t a lot of things you can do for free that can have such a positive effect on your mood and attitude. So, go crazy and clean off your kitchen counter!
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