Healthy Living
I like to try new things. I always have. Especially if it is something that I am not good at. I was afraid of motorcycles so I took the classes. Why they passed me I will never know. When I went to buy a motorcycle I knew there was no way that I could drive it home. I had to have it delivered. They told me I was not the first person to do that, thank heavens. I bought all the motorcycle clothes and my fancy helmet and drove it maybe 20 miles over 2 years and donated it to Goodwill. I was still scared of it. I guess I thought my husband would get interested in it and join me. I saw us on long drives in the Hocking Hills on a beautiful Sunday. He saw me doing that while he did anything else. Lesson learned.
I had never had one accounting class and I felt that I was lacking because of it. I took accounting, online. About chapter 3 I figured out why I hadn’t studied accounting. I hated it. When I looked at the pages in the book my eyes crossed. I kept trying to get interested and I just couldn’t do it. I am all about girls in math and science, but sadly, no matter how cool I think it is, I am not one of them. Lesson learned.
So when it became clear that my husband found women who were nothing like me more attractive, I decided to be someone else. I decided that I could own restaurants. Well, I could, that was true, but I hated every day of it and I was terrible at it. In my mind I saw it going so differently and I thought it might bring us closer together. I thought he might become more interested in me. I thought we might be able to solve problems together, go over ideas together. You know, like a real husband and wife. I could not have been more wrong. Lesson learned.
I can name a hundred other times when I wanted to be good at something and was sure that I could do it, only to find that I couldn’t make myself good at it. I could not force myself to learn it or practice it or use it. I don’t think that I am not smart enough, or coordinated enough or that I don’t have a strong skill set. I am just better at some things than I am at others, and as I start my life over, I don’t think I have to change that. When I was married I was trying to be everything that I wasn’t, because clearly, I wasn’t enough. So I tried to be everything and was so miserable.
Now, I know my lane. That doesn’t mean I always have to stay in my lane, but I am becoming crystal clear on what I am good at, what I am interested in and what I like to spend my time doing. I used to say yes to everything. I was on committees that I dreaded. I was in organizations that were not of any interest, just to be in them. I did things socially that I really didn’t enjoy. Now I am done with all of that. Done done done. No more. Every day isn’t a picnic, but I know my lane. I know who I am. And, lots of things that I like to do are nerdy, but that’s me.
Get to know who you are. Get to know your lane. Again, it doesn’t mean you can’t try new things, but it does mean that you will be more mindful when you do. And, you will be more content and more at peace.
Read MoreI hear the word “tribe” a lot lately. It is a buzz word of sorts. Just as “team” is to the professional life, “tribe” is to the personal life. I heard someone say that the five people who are closest to you say everything about who you are. That got me thinking about who those people are, and while I don’t know if the number five has any significance in my life, contemplating the important people in my life has me beaming with pride. I look at that group of people and there is not one I would trade in for a new model. From my children to my family members to my core group of friends and beyond, my tribe is awesome. I am actually a little embarrassed even to consider my tribe because every member is so strong. I don’t really feel like I deserve the tribe I have. But I am glad I have them.
My children, well, need I say more? They are the most important members of my tribe. What I see in my children is the best of what my husband and I had to offer, without the bad stuff. How did that happen? Or they may be great kids in spite of us! But they have surrounded themselves with quality people too so I feel comfortable with their tribes, as they are an extension of my own.
When I left my home and my husband in my home, I got a little bit of a do-over. It wasn’t conscious, but I had the chance to curate my own tribe to include those people who I enjoy, who support me and I them, who are interesting, and who are full of the things that were lacking in my marriage: transparency, integrity, communication, and trustworthiness. Those are my personal pillars (My tribe has a four-pillared tent for my visual).
So for me, the people in my tribe aren’t a representation of me, they are a representation of who I aspire to be. They each have traits that I want to have or wish I had and elevate me and make me better. When I think about what my future looks like I know now that I can only add someone to my tribe who is of that caliber. Someone who enhances my life and the lives of the people in my tribe.
No one needs to take my advice, that’s for sure, but take a look at your tribe and if there is anyone who brings you down, who brings down the level of integrity of your tribe, it might be time to rethink that relationship. I didn’t know how to do that when I was married, but I do now. Because when someone brings you down, whatever the reason, it weighs on you and it shows. I know it showed on me for years. The integrity of your tribe will always suffer as long as you have people in your life who bring you down or just don’t match up to what you want your tribe to look like. Change that picture in your mind then change your life.
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I am a person who wants to do everything, and I am easily swayed and I lose focus often. I am all over the map. Remember when I wrote about taking an accounting class? I just wanted to feel like I had a good understanding of accounting principles. It was not necessary for me to take an accounting class and as I realized about two chapters in, I hated it. I can read a P & L already, I can read financial documents.
And, how many times have I tried to learn Spanish? I give myself an A for effort, but maybe it is time to realize that I will not be fluent. Fluent? OK, I will not be saying anything in Spanish other than requesting a bathroom and some water. I will not be doing pilates on a reformer at home and I will not be weaving my own fabric. Also, I will not be learning about Scientology and why people seem to follow the teachings. I will not be riding a motorcycle (and I will not be wearing my cool chaps). I will not be jumping up and down on a pogo stick for exercise. I will not be tap dancing. I will not play the piano beyond chopsticks.
My daughter let me know that she just waits for me to get tired of my project-du-jour and then she gets the material “stuff” associated with it (not the chaps). The fact that she has a system for cashing in on my lack of success made me grouchy at first. But, I had been working on making some changes in the way I spend my time and she totally reinforced my thinking.
Re-evaluating where my time goes is helping me see my day-to-day life better, because I feel like I am just too busy for the woman I am on paper. I always seem to be running and I don’t like to live that way. I like being busy, but that hasn’t been fulfilling me as much as I think it should. So, I have come up with a plan for living life the way I like to live it, a plan just for me. If you want to use some pieces of the plan be my guest. I call it PH2.
PHPH (PH2)
Personal, Health, Professional, Hobbies or PHPH (my initials times 2), or PH2. You can call your plan anything you want. My PH2 focuses me in the areas where I want to spend my time and energy and cuts out the other noise.
- Personal: I sit on the board of a small non-profit organization. There are two meetings each month with a minimal amount of work outside the meetings. Maybe one hour of additional work each month. I also belong to a non-profit organization called Harmony Project. It requires me to attend rehearsals on Monday evenings. Through Harmony Project, I volunteer at a Women’s Prison once a week, so that takes up a morning. I have made the decision to focus on only those two organizations over the course of this next year. I’m not saying that I will not go to any other events, but this is where I put my energy. By making this a priority, I have freed myself up to say no when asked to join other groups.
- Health: Of course, like every other person on the planet, I started the year wanting to be more healthy. But, I was not sure what that looked like in my life. So, I have committed to myself that I will workout five times a week. Blocking those times out to makes them happen. Love to get the classes out of the way on weekdays if I can, so I feel like the weekend is mine. I am not super critical of myself if my schedule prevents me from getting the five days in, like during a travel week, but putting workouts on my calendar in advance has really helped me keep those appointments.
- Professional: I can’t say that professional is even a black and white category for me. It is the work that I do to propel myself forward, the work that I do to learn more and grow internally. Starting Over at Sixty is part of that growth. Learning how to write content is part of that growth. I focus on both at the beginning of the week, because they are my most important, timely pieces of the puzzle. I belong to a couple of professional organizations that require minimal work from me, but allow me to grow.
- Hobbies: I like to knit. I like to read. I like to sew a little. I like to go to movies. They are all sedentary interests, I know. And, they weren’t happening often enough for me. By becoming more focused on what is important to me during the work week, I have been able to clear out some time and enjoy what I really like to do.
Use Structure and Intention
Putting some structure and intention in my week, I feel that I am getting more accomplished, I am having more time for what I like to do, and it allows me to say no to other requests. My plate is as full as I want it to be at this time.
If you feel like you are spinning out of control, then stop it. No one will do it for you. It has to come from you but acting with intention
about your time will allow you to have more time, I guarantee.
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You can be happy while you are alone. The same can’t be said for being lonely.
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Sitting in a football stadium full of people, you can be lonely. It is not a question of numbers, but of emotions. If you are watching the football game at home by yourself, well you get it, you are just alone.
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Some things are preferable when you are alone like reading. You might prefer to read when alone. It is great to nap while you are alone. On the other hand, if you are feeling lonely, a Saturday date-night movie by yourself might not be the best time to venture out.
- Sometimes being lonely might make you try something new to get over the loneliness. You might join a group or class that will allow you to learn a new skill or improve on an old hobby. The sheer making the arrangements can go a long way in helping with loneliness. And, you will meet new people and maybe form some new friendships. It feels great to take control in improving your situation, and the worst thing that can happen is that you still feel lonely. What have you got to lose? You can still be alone anytime.
- Laughter is great for loneliness and also for when you are alone. It is hard to feel lonely when you are laughing, try it. And, it is wonderful to be alone when you want to laugh out loud.
- On special occasions, to avoid loneliness, nothing replaces planning. If you know you are going to be lonely for Christmas, plan ahead. Do everything you can to make it better before it comes up. Let’s face it, nothing makes up for not being with loved ones, or not having loved ones around on family holidays but you can work on it. Last year I planned a movie with a friend for Christmas morning because neither of us had any plans until later in the day and it kept me from feeling so blue on the first Christmas morning in my life when I wouldn’t be with my children. I was alone when I woke up but had plans that kept me from being lonely.
- If you want to watch a big game but it feels so lonely to do it by yourself at home, go to a nearby restaurant or bar and watch for a while. Much of the fun is just being around other people to cheer on your team. It might take care of your loneliness. But, if you want to watch alone, no shame in that either.
- Speaking of bars and restaurants, if you want to have a drink when you are alone, well that’s up to you. If you want to have a drink when you are lonely…don’t do it. It is nothing but a slippery slope that will just make you feel worse.
- I hate to put this in, but cleaning makes me feel less lonely. I think because I start thinking about how great my place will look when someone comes to see it. How much all of this organization will make me happy when I finish. And, of course, I must do it while I am alone.
- Being lonely makes me tired, in a sad sort of way. Draggy. I find that exercise helps, as much as I hate to admit it. If I exercise and I am tired, I deserve to be. Being alone does not make me tired.
Of course, much of this is tongue-in-cheek, but it’s rooted in my experiences over my sixty years. I have to trick myself a lot in order not to feel lonely. I hope I won’t always have to do that. I don’t treat loneliness lightly, though. If you feel lonely, but you feel that it will pass or diminish over time, then that seems like a healthy attitude to me. However, if you are living under a dark cloud that never seems to go away, that probably needs help from the outside, whatever that looks like to you.
Read MoreAt a Starbucks that I drive through a couple of times each week, the Barista hands me my drink and says, “Go get ’em!” The first time I heard it I thought he was talking to someone else. Then, I realized he was talking to me and every other car that goes through the window. It made me think about what it means. Now, I have started saying that to myself every morning when I wake up. I don’t say, “Rats, it’s morning.” Actually, some days I do say that. But you can’t lay in bed for another 20 minutes after you say to yourself, “Go get ’em.” You just can’t do it.
Now, I don’t say to myself , “Oh no, hello morning. I am not ready for you.” Actually, some days I do say that. But you can’t lay in bed for another 20 minutes after you say to yourself, “Go get ’em.” You just can’t do it. It feels lazy.
So, I try to have my day laid out in my head when it hits the pillow, so I don’t worry about it in the middle of the night and toss and turn. That allows me to “Go get ’em.” I find myself in such a bad mood when my day gets derailed: when the things that I wanted to accomplish just get put on the next day’s list. It makes me grouchy. So, I look at my calendar every evening to get myself ready for the next day, even if my day is wide open (isn’t that about the best feeling on earth?). If I am working out first, I get my workout clothes out and ready to be slipped on, so I can sleep until the final second, then “Go get ’em.”
If it is not a workout day, I have my clothes all picked out. I don’t like the feeling of having to hear the weather forecast them come up with something when I could have done that the night before. I have my bag ready and my electronics ready for action. I know, I know, it is a little silly, but it works for me. I like the feeling of being in control of the morning.
For me, what “go get ’em” means is that I am ready for that busy day. I am charging forward and making progress daily. I like that. I find that the older that I get the less time I want to waste. I want to fit everything into every day. I don’t want to just coast.
That doesn’t mean I want to be on the run all the time. I do not. I love my downtime. But I find that the more I “Go get ’em,” the more downtime I create for myself. It’s the best.
Whatever it takes to put that spring in your step, to get you fired up for the day, do it. It makes life so much more enjoyable and satisfying.
Go get ’em!
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