Healthy Living
While we have watched and heard and read about ways to entertain ourselves during social distancing and sheltering in place, I want to remind you, Starting Over at Sixty followers, that we’re ready for this. We know how to live alone and how to overcome loneliness and isolation and that’s how we can help others: we can let them know that it’s not only possible to live alone for a while, but difficulties can be sidestepped.
Last time I talked about things you can do to fill the time alone, but now it’s time to talk about emotions: let’s talk about how to deal with real feelings of isolation and mental diversions we can use. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where we separate the women from the girls. This is how we can make it through successfully versus muddling through. Take a look:
Allow Yourself the Lows
When you are spending lots of time alone, like now, it’s easy to let yourself get down, it’s easy to sink. And, when you are in that place the spiral can take on a life of its own. At least it can for me. So, I’ve tried a tactic with myself: I allow myself to wallow in it for the day, but I make myself have a plan for the following day. That way, I don’t feel guilty about the bad day, and can look forward to the good day. I make plans, even if I don’t have any. It doesn’t matter whether it is cleaning out a drawer or going for a walk or finishing a book, I just need to accomplish something to bring myself out of my pity party. Try it during this time of isolation.
Reach Out to Others
OK, I live alone, I feel isolated and there’s no place to go. Now, it’s not just me, it ‘s everyone. So, just because I’m alone doesn’t mean that I can’t do for others. I have been reaching out to those people who I know are alone, maybe even more alone than I am. It takes one minute. That’s it. I know that I have been the recipient of people reaching to me and including me in conversations, and I can do the same. It’s a cure for loneliness, reaching out to others.
Change It Up
It’s certain that you will feel a lack of accomplishment if you do the same thing everyday. Especially while we are distant, make sure to change up your routine, even if it is making something different for lunch! That’s all it takes, just a little alteration to normal life. Now that your calendar is blank, you can make your own “appointments.” Today, my calendar has “set up tripod for virtual piano lessons.” I know it’s silly, but it makes me feel like I have an actual schedule during this social isolation time.
So, these are my tricks for beating isolation. We single women over sixty already have this in the bag. We know how to make it work and how to make it better. What are you doing for distractions?
Stay Safe and Stay Healthy!
Read MoreIf you haven’t heard enough Coronavirus woes everywhere you look and listen and watch, I will give you more right here (I didn’t want to be left out of the fun!). For most of us single women over sixty, self-distancing means one thing: we are alone. For whatever the time period is, whether it’s a weekend, a couple of weeks or longer, we are alone. And, that alone time can turn to isolation and loneliness quickly. I can’t make that better, but I do have a couple of tips that are helping me through this time.
Turn It Off
If you have the television on a news channel all day, and you are looking at every alert that pops up on your phone and you are on Facebook reading what your friends say about the grocery store, you will go mad! How does that help? Turn it off! You can check in to all of your sources every once in a while, but if you have it on constantly your anxiety level will escalate. Be informed, but don’t overdo it. Everything that comes across isn’t factual and isn’t going to help you in your own life so just check in once in a while, don’t make it your 24/7 way of life.
Don’t Look at Your 401K
Of course, you should know what you have. But, I decided that I am not going to look at my savings until things have become less volatile. what is the point? I am worried, certainly, but there is nothing I can do about it right now and I have no idea what things will look like in six months. It’s not easy, I know, and it doesn’ mean I am not paying attention, but I know my savings isn’t what it was even a few weeks ago. I have decided to put that on the backburner of worries right now. There are things I can control right now, and that is not one of them.
Watch What You are Eating
Doesn’t that sound crazy? But, I noticed that the items I had picked up at the grocery were things I never keep in my place: crackers, peanut butter and ramen noodles are not on the menu at Chez Paula, but for some reason, that’s what I bought, and started to eat. By the time the crisis is lifted, I will be self-distancing because my stomach will have grown! I went back to the grocery today and bought salad and vegetables. I don’t know why I thought from this point forward I could only eat food sealed in cardboard boxes! And there was plenty of produce. Eat that now and save the noodles for later.
Take a Walk
My friend said this to me last night: if you are uncomfortable about going to the gym and you are getting cabin fever, you can at least take a walk. Good advice. Get a little fresh air to clear the cobwebs off if you are stuck in the house for too long.
Stay Connected
This is most important: stay connected to the outside world, not just with Hoda and Savannah, but with real people. Talk with friends on the phone rather than texting so it feels more real. Make sure to check on other people you know who live alone. And, let your buddies know that you would love a call here and there too. It will make a big difference in breaking up your day during this uncertain time.
Stay Safe and Healthy!
Read MoreRepost from 3/8/2016
It has been clear to me for a long time that I am not the same girl I used to be. I changed along the way, and I didn’t know if I was coming back.
I always felt that I was kind of fun to be around. And, I certainly thought my husband would agree. But, from the start of our marriage, I was, apparently, mistaken. I felt like “the old ball and chain,” and I knew that wasn’t me. But I must have been…right? Why else would he treat me that way?
So I would try harder and harder and harder. And, by the time I realized that I had built a fortress around myself to protect me from the heartache, the old Paula was long gone. I knew what would fix it, but I couldn’t do it.
I used to have a saying, “for a better marriage, just lower your expectations.” It worked for me but is so sad.
I can say without hesitation, I was enough. Our family was enough. Our family should have been the focus, not a distraction.
I can breathe now. While I am so sad that my marriage didn’t make it, it makes me happy to know that my children will get to know the real Mom all over again. I think they will be surprised at the me that they didn’t know existed. The happy, light-hearted, fun person who had been buried under the weight of an unhappy marriage and all the sadness that came along with that. They will get to know Paula, not just Mom. Can’t wait for that to happen.
Repost from 1/20/2016
Sometimes you are freed from something that you didn’t know was holding you back. That’s me. And it’s not just the age thing. I’ve never been one to worry about my age that much. My Mother died at 49 (cancer) and my Father died at 55 (stroke). So I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have the opportunity to turn sixty. To be here with my kids at sixty. To get to see them as young adults and beyond. I am a grateful girl at this point. I love sixty!
It is a great time to be unhitching my self from my husband. I had no idea how beat down I had felt for years (not physically, let me make that clear). I was oppressed by the lack of trust in my marriage and that darkened everything in my life. Waiting for him to come home, maybe, and not knowing what that was going to look like was torture. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it always dropped eventually. I built a fortress around myself for protection. I had no idea the enormity of the weight of that fortress and it is gone. Read…my…lips……..gone!
And, while I was living with that, my business was oppressive because I really just didn’t like it and wasn’t good at it. I did it to impress him. It did not. I have been carrying too much weight because there had to be some “place” of happiness and ice cream was that place. I was drinking too much, well, you know why. I was living in a big house on a golf course because I thought that if we moved there maybe my husband would like me better. He just likes golf better now.
I sold the restaurants, I moved to a one room, 1000 sq. foot loft apartment: my husband wanted to keep the house because living on the golf course makes him feel like a big man: you’re welcome. I probably drink less but Have fun more. I am never going to like working out, but I am doing so for way better reasons than to try to make my husband like me again. Funny, I seem to have lost about 195 lbs. (you get my drift I’m sure).
Hooray for me! Happy Birthday!
Read MoreIt’s been a long time in the making, but what you are looking at is the new and much-improved startingoveratsixty.com. Everything that you like about the site is still here (weekly blog posts and all the past posts are here for you to read anytime). But, there are more options now:
- Premium, monthly and weekly content for those of you who want to go a little deeper and create change in your life.
- A Private Facebook Page for members who want to be part of a community of single women 50+, to share ideas, issues, struggles, and solutions with each other, but not with the world.
- The opportunity to work one-on-one with Paula to create a roadmap toward living the life you always envisioned for yourself as a single woman 50, 60, 70 and beyond.
Starting Over at Sixty Can Now be Your One-Stop-Shop
I want you to know that you can come here for help and inspiration: this can be the place where you can find some answers and offer solutions for your Sisters.
We are all in this together, so let’s make this the best time of our lives!
Free for You
For the month of April, you can be part of the Sisters Program free! Just drop me an email (paula@startingoveratsixty.com with your email address and name and I will add you to the Facebook Page.
Starting Over at Sixty is fresh and new and lively, just like you! Take a spin and let me know your thoughts, send me an email to get you on the Private Facebook Page and just enjoy the new content.
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