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This weekend one of my best friends came to visit overnight. I hadn’t realized how few times I have guests in my place: outside my children, the number of times is NEVER. I was excited because I love my home.
It felt great to have my home neat and tidy. It is always neat and tidy, but when there is someone to see it I am happier getting it looking great. I looked forward to having someone actually see where I live because I love it and I’m proud of it and I wanted to show it to my friend. So, I was happy with anticipation. We had a great time together.
Fast forward to her heading home this morning. We had a wonderful 24 hours, as always. And I figured out what felt so good about showing her my new home: I got to show one of my lifelong friends who I am now, by way of my home.
As lifelong friends, she had seen my homes over the years and how I lived with my family. Then, she came to see me on the day after I moved out of my marital home and into a one-room loft apartment, it did not feel like a happy moment. And she saw this place for a moment when it was under construction before I moved in. It had been nearly two years since Z had been to my home.
My New Lifestyle
This time, for the first time in more than five years, I had the chance to show my life to someone who has known me in every stage. I am proud of who I am now and my home reflects this girl. I honestly didn’t know why I love my home so much and now I do: it’s me. It’s me right now, not who I used to be.
So, thank you Z. I was so excited for you to see my new life and now I get why it was so important for me to show it to you: it isn’t just a home, it is a reflection of the changes in my life.
If you aren’t living in a way that reflects who you are now, rather than who you were 10, 20 or 30 years ago, make some changes. You don’t have to spend lots of money or completely start over, but just make your home feel like you.
Read MoreRepost from October 28, 2020
When you look down the road at your life, do you see yourself coasting into the finish line? Or, do you see yourself riding on a stagecoach with arms and legs flailing around your head, hat flying off and wind whipping your hair around your face? And, which vision do you like? Do you see living the rest of your life on a cushion or do you look at your life as an adventure?
If, when you think of the future, you see a life in which you put the brakes on way too soon, don’t worry. You still have time to re-invigorate your life and make it an adventure rather than a snooze fest. All it takes is the desire to turn things around. That’s it. You can start today!
Think Big or Small, It Doesn’t Matter
If you want some adventure in your life, it doesn’t have to be an African Safari. It can be anything that challenges you: whether it is a bike tour through your town or learning Salsa. You can decide to learn to use a chainsaw if that is adventurous to you. The adventure isn’t important, it is the rush that it gives you that makes the difference. It is the confidence that you feel when you reach and achieve.
Single Travel
Traveling alone sounds horrific to many women I know, but there are so many options that I promise that you will find one that works for you, if that’s what you’re looking for. Whether it is in a group or you are ready to go it alone, there are many travel agencies that specialize in both single travel and senior travel, so you are covered. There are tons of volunteer opportunities that take you around the world, if that is part of your mission, to help others. Solo travel may sound daunting, but it can be rewarding and you may meet some new friends along the way.
Learning Can Be an Adventure
Adventure can be many things to many people. It doesn’t have to mean off-roading to your yurt on a cliff side. Or riding an ostrich. Adventure might be taking a cooking class in a foreign country. I think that is adventurous. Riding in a hot air balloon is adventurous to me. Riding a bike in New York seems like a pretty big adventure in my mind. Your adventure is your adventure.
The moral of this story is this: if you are over 50 and single and looking ahead to book clubs and Pilates as the highlights of your lives, you have a long road ahead. Do not give up this early in the game. Refuse to make yourself uninteresting and do not be uninterested because if you aren’t interested in life now when can you be?
This is not a dress rehearsal. Live your life with adventure in mind.
Read MoreIt happened last night. I was trying to fold up a big dog cage and I couldn’t get it to fold. I was cleaning out a closet and had to fold up the crate to get it out of the closet. I worked and worked to no avail when it happened: I had an absolute meltdown. Crying, screaming to no one, the works. And while I felt foolish when it was over I realized that the occasional meltdown is OK.
I just needed another pair of hands and there wasn’t another pair. Now, I am a hard worker, I am tough, I am resilient and I am creative. I can come up with a solution to almost everything, but I was stuck. I felt like there was just no way to get this job done and I was beaten. It was a stupid dog cage but it was winning and I came unglued. I started to cry and scream at myself that I was tired of doing everything on my own with no help from anyone. I sat on the edge of the bed and felt sorry for myself for a few minutes, crying.
Then, just like that, I stopped. I sucked it up and went back over to the closet and figured out how to get that cage folded up and out of the way. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, I just felt sorry for myself for those few minutes. But, my little breakdown gave me a couple of insights.
First, I remembered the fact that when I was married I was having to do everything on my own anyway, even though I had a husband. Participation on the other side was scarce. So really, nothing on that front has changed.
But, the most important lesson I learned from falling apart, was that after I stopped I felt better. I had a meltdown, wiped my nose, then got up, folded the kennel with ease and finished the task. When I sat down again, I had to chuckle to myself about my hysterical moment.
I needed that. I needed to feel sorry for myself for just a few minutes in order to turn my attitude around for the evening. I needed to take the time and boohoo, then remember that I am not much more alone than I was for so many years in my marriage, and now I have peace of mind for the other 23 hours in the day.
Today, I am thinking about how quickly misery can pass and how worth it a good cry can be. Try it!
Read MoreThe holidays are in our rearview mirrors: decorations are down and all the trash has been picked up. Kids are all back into their routines where ever they may be and this was the first weekend of the new year. I was looking so forward to having the weekend all to myself and getting my place back into working order, and I did. That’s done! While I needed the break and the time and the order to my life, tonight I am keenly aware that it is time to get back to my social self or I will easily slip into way too many binge-watching nights and iced cappuccinos and isolation. I want you to make sure to stay social in the winter.
I know, I know, I know that it’s really hard to push through during the cold and the dark of winter and the allure of hot chocolate on the warm, cozy couch with a blanket is so inviting. But it can be dangerous for us single women. Loneliness, isolation and depression can creep into the room and sit down right next to you without you even noticing. And, that is a hard place to crawl out of if you get in too deep.
So, get to work! This week if you don’t have plans, make them. If you do have plans, good for you. Want to see a movie? Go. Even if you go alone you will be around other people rather than entering into a discussion about the Golden Globes at home with your cat. Go anywhere you can to be among the living.
Let me tell you about a change that I am making to improve my life and you may recognize yourself in how I was feeling. If so, I hope this will give you a seed of an idea. I have many, many interests: I write, read, knit, workout, cycle. I work outside the home. I am taking piano lessons. I take Spanish. I love to try and learn new things. But, the truth is that everything I do, I do alone. I am in sales (you’re on your own in sales!). I read alone, knit alone, I write alone, piano and guitar are one-woman sports. I work out alone and cycle alone. Get the picture?
What I see in myself is a very busy woman who does so much on her own. So, to add more people to my life I am taking up Pickleball. Surely I can do that, right? My plan is to enjoy a new sport and experience camaraderie as well. I’ll keep you posted.
The moral of this story is this: it’s up to you to make the winter better. Don’t let yourself go down the rabbit hole of hibernation because as a single woman you can become lonely very quickly and that is not a good place to be.
Ladies, kick-off the new year strong!
Read MoreWell, 2019 took the wind out of my sails! Yep, this past year brought me to my knees. I had no idea that what appeared to be a time when I would be able to make really great strides forward, would be anything but.
This was a year in which I had to face critical health issues for not one, not two, but three of my very best friends. It rocked me. I felt lonely and sad much of the time. It was a lost year. Not all the news has been bad and I am super grateful for that. And, nothing bad happened to me or my family but for a while, people around me were dropping like flys.
At the end of the summer, I realized that I had to try to get myself back on track, and I did quite a bit, but this is definitely a year that I look forward to seeing in the rearview mirror. And, as I do, what’s ahead?
If you follow Starting Over at Sixty you know that I like to pick a word at the beginning of each year that I want to define what I hope it will be (I am purposely not looking at what the word for 2019 was because whatever it was it did not come true!). In thinking about 2019 I can definitely say that I lost my energy. My usual momentum was absent and when I tried to get it back, I failed. I had to give up.
OK, here we are at 2020. I don’t like to wish time away, but hey, 2019, I won’t miss ya! And, what do I want to make 2020 for myself? My word is Energize.
This year it is time to energize my life again. I can’t stand another year of treading water: I just don’t have enough years in front of me to make that OK. And the only way I will get my momentum going again is to energize myself and those around me, I hope. Just thinking about that makes me excited.
Please, please, please do this with me. It can make all the difference in world, I promise. Your word is kind of like your mantra for the year and if it isn’t working, change it. It’s yours.
I hope you are as excited about 2020 as I am. Nothing has as much promise as the future and ours is bright!
Happy New Year Girlies!
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