Featured
I picked up a little book when I was traveling with my daughter and set it next to my bed when I returned home. It is called Design Your Day by Claire Diaz-Ortiz. It is maybe 100 pages. I didn’t pick it up for weeks and honestly I only moved it to dust, which means I didn’t move it at all. So a couple of nights ago I read a little of the book and I got to a point and stopped: it really had me thinking. Don’t you love books like that? Books that, with a few paragraphs, make a huge impression on you.
In the book , Diaz-Ortiz talks about picking one word of the year. The year might not be a year: it might be a season or a time period, like before my son’s wedding, or this fall, or before the holidays. But, I like the concept of the word. So I started thinking about what my word should be. I had a few in mind, but it took some time to zero in on just the right one.
My first thought was…freedom. That’s what I am trying to accomplish in my personal life certainly…attaining freedom. But, it wasn’t quite right. Then, when talking to a friend, a young man, someone I wouldn’t expect to get it, he said, “Good, but every time you think of the word freedom it will remind you of a time that you didn’t feel that freedom.” Wow, that was deep. So freedom was out.
My next thought was the word success. But that felt too final. Like something you’ve achieved, not something you work on every day. While I like finding small successes in my daily life, success comes at the end, not the during the journey. And, if I have achieved success, then what? Not quite right either.
So, here it is, here is my word for now (drum roll please)…forward. My word for the next, I don’t know, 6 months to a year is forward. That is what I am about and that is where I want to go and that is who I want to become, someone who is always moving forward. To me it means that what I think, say or do should be helping me to achieve forward motion. And, if I feel like I am off track or if I feel like I am moving in the other direction, I can shift my focus and get going again.
That is as far as I read in the book. I wanted to wait to continue until I had my word, so now I can read on. This is not a book recommendation since that’s as far as I read, but just that piece itself has helped me get some perspective on my direction and I plan to read further.
What’s your word? If you are not moving in the right direction for you, maybe you need a new word, one that reflects who you are or who you want to be. Once you have it, you may be more clear about your life and your goals and can plan how to get there.
Read MoreI don’t know about you, but I have gained and lost friends over the years: some by my choice and sometimes it’s been their decision. While I have wonderful, long-term friends, not all friendships stand the test of time, in my book. That’s not always a bad thing…it’s just a fact of life and longevity: sometimes things change. I have certain essential qualities in friends that I look for.
Different Friend Groups
I do have my lifelong friends, and they are worth their weight in gold. They are the ones who are my home, who see me a little bit as I was when I was a kid, a little bit as I was when I was a young adult, and they see me as I am now. They remember my parents, the house I grew up in and my first car. And I remember those things about them. Those are the friends who can even come in and out of my life and we just pick up where we left off.
Longtime family friends are the ones who know me as a wife and mother. They don’t really know me as a single person, they know me as part of a couple.
And, I’ve made some new friends since I have been single, which was necessary. I had to. Until now, my world has been with married people, other couples. I needed some friends who I can call on Tuesday night to get a bite to eat. I have been working hard on that group of friends and I am lucky enough to have those people in my life.
Sadly, I have had friends who have dropped me and friends who I have dropped. Even long-term friends. I can honestly say about myself that if I don’t feel like I can trust a friend to have my back in tough situations, I’m out. Not mad, just out. It might not be my best quality, but it is true. Maybe it’s because I lived with a man who couldn’t be trusted, so I couldn’t tolerate that from anyone else who was close.
So, I have come up with a list of attributes that are deal breakers for me when it comes to bringing someone into my life as a friend or more. Without these, it will not be happening. These are not for people who are acquaintances, these are for those close to me. If you like it, use it in your daily life.
My TICT List
- Transparent: Transparency is maybe the most important attribute for me, and I have my husband to thank for that. I thought I knew him, but who I knew was what he wanted me to know. That was throughout our marriage. And, it wasn’t just the bad stuff: it was anything that he thought I might find questionable was left out of the narrative of his daily life and his life before Paula. So, that is number one On my list. I really didn’t even know that it was a thing…it is a thing.
- Integrity: That’s the core. And, not just the the illusion of integrity but the real deal.
- Communication: It killed my marriage and I am sure it has killed millions of others. The lack of communication is a death sentence for any relationship. I have one son who, I am sure, wishes to never again get the communications lecture from his mother. Without it there is just no way to manage the bumps of life.
- Trustworthiness: It took me a long time to really get a good understanding of trustworthiness. It’s not about telling and keeping secrets. It is about honesty between people. Not “Do I look fat in this dress” honesty (but the answer is always no). But the kind of honesty that lets you know that you are getting the whole story. Not a sugar coated version. That is a trustworthy relationship. Give me the truth.
Read More
Repost from 2/2/2016
It is official…I am a Cougar! And all I had to do was turn 60 and pay $2.00.
Since I am 60 and live in Ohio I have the opportunity to audit college classes free of charge at some, if not all, state universities. I wanted to take a class that would really expand my horizons, take me out of my comfort zone, teach me to think differently. So I decided to take…wait for it… Accounting!
I should have taken an accounting class 40 years ago but I did not. I should have taken an accounting class before I bought a restaurant franchise but I did not. So, better late than never. I looked at what I was offered at Ohio State since I am a Buckeye, but it was limited. So I took a look at Columbus State Community College and there it was. In bright lights. Introduction to Accounting. Yes. And, I could even take it online. Even better.
CSCC is just about a block from where I live, but I loved the idea of online class, since that is about as foreign to me as accounting itself. I am now three weeks behind because I couldn’t figure out how to navigate the online learning system. I had forgotten that I took a class at Columbus State about 35 years ago. So to them I am not Pharer…I am Pdaniel. Perfect. I stopped in to the bookstore to pick up my textbook. I guess I didn’t really pay attention to the cost of the individual books as my three children went to undergrad. My textbook was $153.00. Now I am afraid to make a mark in it.
So this week I am playing catch-up, just me and my big, giant, expensive book. The hour set aside for Web Chat is Friday at 7 pm. What? Don’t they know that we “Good as Gold” students are finishing up dinner by then (kidding)?
So, here is the best part. The Columbus State mascot is the Cougar. I am a Cougar! Ironic, don’t you think? Sixty years old, soon to be single and a Cougar.
Can’t wait to try out for Drill Team!
Read More
Search through my blog posts