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If you follow Starting Over at Sixty you know that I talk a lot about travel and the confidence it takes to be able to do it alone. Well, I have been traveling for the better part of six weeks, some alone and some not, and I can tell you one thing’s for sure: there’s no place like home! I thought I would be sad as I got on the plane in San Diego to head home, but I was excited. As much as I loved every minute of my adventure, I was ready to come home. I’m not sure about the take away from that but I have some ideas.
First, as much as I loved not getting up with an alarm clock and not having to dash here and there, the time has come for me to get back into my routine. I need to not read or watch Netflix until 1:30 a.m. and it’s time to get my bottom out of bed before 8:30. That all felt great but a little lazy after a while. It is time to get back to working out more often rather than saying I am going for a run, which is really going for a walk which is honestly me walking somewhere for lunch. Hardly broke a sweat!
It’s also time to STOP EATING AND DRINKING five times a day, seven days a week. It got bad, I’m not going to lie. We started picking up dessert after breakfast every day! Bad, bad, bad.
Also, my readiness to return has to do with my attitude. I used to hate coming home from vacation, what I call re-entry. It made me grouchy and I think that had to do with going back to my anything-but-happy marriage routine: I hated to get back to that normal. Now, I have so much to look forward to and such a warm environment where I live, I think I actually missed my place, all one room of it. It is cozy and happy and safe and not filled with loneliness.
So, I really do mean, there’s no place like home. Now, it’s time to get back to the routine that I love.
Read MoreYou can learn a lot about yourself by being alone. It’s not always a bad thing. I have learned way more about myself when I am on my own than I have when I am in a crowd. That crowd Paula is happy and loud and funny. When I am alone, I’m just Paula. My time alone means time to think, time to process and time to understand what I like and what I don’t like. And, if you are not a person who spends much time alone, you need to start. It can be lifesaving. Without that time, that time to rest your mind and kind of zone out for a while, it is difficult to get centered. It is hard to fuel back up without putting on the brakes every once in a while.
Becoming Comfortable Alone
I have to say, I have always been comfortable alone. The man I was married to for more than thirty years was not. I was an only child so I always had my own room. I could hang out in my room for hours and hours and do nothing. It was my nest. I would do handstands against the door of my closet hour after hour (what would happen if I had to do a handstand now? I can picture my arms just crumbling to rubble and me landing on my head!) I would just hang around in my room and I like to think that the time was spent making me who I am today. That was the time for imagination and dreaming and wondering why some boy didn’t call me, then deciding I didn’t want him to call me anyway, then crying because that boy who I didn’t want to call me anyway, didn’t call me.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been comfortable being alone. I’ve been lucky enough to have lots of friends throughout my life and loved being in big houses full of other kids when I spent the night when I was young, but I got to come home and spend the rest of my time the way I wanted to, without much interruption.
I was also a kid who learned to sew and knit, so as I grew up I usually had some project going, like crocheting blankets for my parents and friends for Christmas. I could sit in front of the TV making something for someone for hours and be content. I was happy.
When Alone Time Can’t Be Found
Then I got married and had kids and worked outside the home on and off and there was not one minute alone! And, just when I thought I was alone, a baby would cry or a husband would moan and I was back at it. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that without alone time, I was a crab! Looking back, I just needed that time to reset and regroup and get back to center before I went out the door the next day. Life seemed to0 never let up until the kids were out of the house. Boy, did I have alone time then!
Alone When it is Not by Choice
The sad part of being alone is when you are and don’t want to be and it is all there is. That is true loneliness and not fun and not happy. When I was first on my own again I had a lot of nights when I was alone and lonely and no amount of knitting could make that better. I could have wrapped the world in wool and would have still been lonely. I know alone and I know lonely and lonely is not a choice. It is having no one and nothing to go to and it is ugly. Even making the choice to be alone can make you lonely for a while. But the two are not interchangeable and I can be lonely in a room full of people and was for most of my marriage.
So, get to know yourself and know whether you need time alone or not. If that is missing in your life you can fix that. Carve it out. Find that time to recharge. I am aware that I have to have that to be happy. For me, it is as important as sleep, that is certain. And, learn to enjoy that alone time. You deserve it.
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At the end of 2017, after more than three years trying to get divorced, I became a single woman. A divorcee ( very Liz Taylor sounding, isn’t it?). It was a long, painful process. Knowing that the day was coming up, that my life was changing permanently, I decided to give myself the gift of time and travel. I started the year right! I planned to be away from home for the better part of the winter months: in the past January and February had proven to be rough months for me living alone. So I put together an itinerary that had business, recreation and family visits. Yippee!
The bookends of my tour were Social Media Conferences, one in New York and one in San Diego. In between, I would celebrate my birthday and my son’s birthday, I would attend a knitting convention and I would visit with other family members and my other two children. I added some leisure, with the challenge that I had to try new things along the way. some of my travels have been on my own and some with friends. And it’s not over yet. I still have a couple of weeks left of my amazing journey. It has been a blast. Here are some of the highlights below.
Sea Kayaking in Puerta Vallarta. We did it! It’s a little hard on your back but still fun. It was the most beautiful day and the water was cool and the air was warm and I loved it. This island is so pristine that we didn’t even dock the boat there: we just entered the water from the rear of the boat. Lots of people snorkeled, some did scuba, but we decided to stay above water if we could manage that!
I have wanted to try paddleboarding for a while, but I was not prepared to squeeze my big self into a wetsuit in front of all the young people on the boat that day, so I opted to stay on my knees: the water was pretty chilly. Still, I can say I have done that and I liked it and would try it again for sure. It is not easy!
Tom and Don Tootle were too chicken to let their horses gallop, but I did it. Probably not doing it again, though. I don’t think my bladder could take it. I think all three of us were proud of ourselves for riding and we were ready for a cerveza when it was over. It was beautiful at the top of the canyon. Very rocky terrain so it was extra brave of us to make the five-mile ride, don’t you think.
I never thought I would like taking a hot air balloon ride but I did. It is so serene with just the sound of the fire. It gave us the opportunity to get the lay of the land in San Miguel and to see the surrounding areas.
Probably my favorite activity that we did was to learn to make tamales with Marilau at her traditional cooking school. We learned about the flour that is only found in Mexico that she buys at the Grinder (not the dating app). It has a very soft texture, not at all like the corn flour that we use in the states. And, we made a couple of salsas that were mouth watering and added a side dish of poblanos. So fun. I think I might try it when I get home. We grilled onions and tomatillos for a verde salsa. As Marilau says, “Mexican’s do not dip, they spoon.”
I made this tamale my self. Love the traditional plate. I stopped at htree but honestly, I think I could have doubled that, they were so fresh and good.
No matter which direction you turn, you will see a church in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. It keeps me from getting lost: I don’t have to look at a map, I just have to look up and get myself back to La Parroquia.
There are so many topiary gardens around SMA. Even full-size trees are manicured to within an inch of their lives. Really beautiful. This one is on the grounds of a hotel.
It’s time to move on to the next leg of my adventure so I will keep you posted.
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February can be a rough month for women who are sixty and single. I have never cared much for Valentine’s Day, whether I was in a relationship or not. It always seemed forced and competitive and just too much. When the kids were little I remember it being a huge celebration that was only rivaled, in the elementary school, by Halloween. It felt like a popularity contest among the children and among the mothers.
So, during the years that I knew my marriage would be ending it was torture. I thought I wouldn’t miss Valentine’s Day one bit when I became single, but I was wrong. I didn’t love it before, I hated it now that I was sitting in my tiny apartment with my dog, Red, having a pity party. Now, it wasn’t an option so it became important to me. Go figure.
February is Rough
Immediately following Valentine’s Day is President’s Day Weekend and that first year on my own seemed like every single human I knew went away for that long weekend. The weather was below zero and the word long to describe that three day weekend could not have been more accurate. It was bad, I was miserable and I now knew what was like to be alone during the Valentine’s Day week. I told my self that I would never again experience that kind of loneliness over a stupid holiday and a stupid long weekend in February.
Since that bad February a couple of years ago I have made it a point to travel during the middle of the month of February in order to avoid a meltdown. It doesn’t have to be a big trip, just one that keeps me busy doing something I love. I might go to my hometown and visit friends, or take a knitting class or visit one of my children. Anything that will keep my brain engaged is perfect for the middle of February.
Now, if you don’t have someone to love on Valentine’s Day, find something you love to do and enjoy. That’s more fun than exchanging a card anyway, right? Treat yourself, get through the rough days and remember Spring is right around the corner.
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