Featured Archives · Page 22 of 31 · Starting Over At Sixty

Who Are Your Bookends?

May 27, 2018

I was at the cemetery with my friend Don yesterday as he tended to his family’s plots on this Memorial Day weekend. My dog Red was having a blast running around and I was just watching it all and taking it all in. I thought about my family members who are deceased and how they made me who I am today. I also thought about how much of who I am comes from those before me and from my children: like bookends of influence in my life. So, ask yourself this: who are your bookends? Who holds you up and helps you stand tall? Who, no matter whether they are here on this earth or not, are your imaginary pillars?

Children, Mother, Grandmother?

Of course, I am over the moon proud of my children. We all are, right? I can’t believe I have a daughter who is a doctor. Really, I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that I have a son who graduated from an Ivy League university. Again, can’t believe it. I have a son who works in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles, which was his dream. Again, not on my radar when I was young. I tell you about them for this reason only: I do not come from a fancy family. The word Ivy League was not in our vocabulary. “I made my own curtains,” was more likely to be heard in my household. But when I write about the accomplishments of my children, I feel fancy! Proud and fancy.

Now, focusing backward, my thoughts about my Mom and my Grannie bring up words like strength, creativity, humor, and love, love, love. And my Mom got that from her Mom. and Grannie got it from Grand-Grannie. All of that strength and beauty and hard work was handed to me on an imaginary silver platter. “Here, take this and run with it.” I am so lucky to have had them.

Now, as I look at my life as a single woman after 32 years of marriage, I know that I could not be who I am without everything I learned from the women before me or everything I have learned as the mother of my children. I have such strong “bookends” to hold me upright, to give me the structure that I need to not only live a productive life but a happy life. It makes me feel strong. With the strength of the past and the promise of the future in front of me, those bookends will not let me fail.

Thank you to those who have gone before and to those who are moving forward. Thank you for being my bookends. Happy Memorial Day!

Do You Ever Feel Invisible?

May 20, 2018

Do you ever feel invisible? Here’s a story: a friend had to hire a private detective and a woman who was 50+ was recommended. When she asked why this former police officer was a good detective, the answer was, “No one who walks into a bar notices a woman who is over 50.” Ouch!

Let’s face it, we all feel invisible from time to time but that statement has stuck with me for years. It was depressing to think about. How could I continue to feel good about myself when I felt unnoticed every time I walked into a room full of strangers. But here is what I find to be true: if you carry yourself as if you are invisible, you will be. And, if you don’t, you won’t.

Being worthy of notice isn’t about how young or how beautiful you are. Being noticed is as much in your head as it is about others around you. If you chose to dress like no one should look at you, they won’t. If you chose to carry yourself as if there isn’t anything special about you, there isn’t. For years I felt like I was nothing because I was with a man who made me feel that way and I let him. In the last year, however, I have really come back to my true self and I never feel invisible.

When I walk into a room I want to be noticed, not passed over. I want to look like a confident woman. I want people to see me coming in and say, “Here comes the fun!” And, now I think I do. I am and want t always be, relevant. When you exude liveliness others feel it and it rubs off on them. They have no choice but to notice you.

So, if you are not showing up to your life as a woman who deserves to be seen, who deserves to be noticed, and you want to change that, you know what to do. Make s change. Tell yourself how beautiful you are, how much fun it is to be with you and you will find that others begin to feel the same.

I dare someone not to notice me in a bar. Say it to yourself and soon you will believe it and others will too.

One Key to the Fountain of Youth: Continue Learning

May 13, 2018

I was not the best student when I was young. I think I just didn’t feel that I had time when there was so much other interesting stuff going on! Now, of course, I see things differently and I often wish that I had buckled down a little more in school. I did, however, like to work so that was kind of where I found myself, I was way more into a job than I had been as a student. Now that I am in my sixties I think I have found one key to the fountain of youth: learning. I love learning. Maybe it’s because I kind of missed it the first go ’round. I don’t know, but I am usually game for any class or tutorial. I just love it and I think that love of learning keeps me young.

Learning makes me feel like I am still an important part of this world. I’m not just a space holder, but really contributing to the world by continuing to better myself. It gives me confidence. After I have been studying or working on a project I always feel more tired, so I sleep better. I am happier. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I feel young.

Here are a few ideas:

Learn a New Skill

Recently I met a young woman who teaches a free, online, build your own website tutorial (Let me give her some credit: https://www.courses.wp-bff.com/ ). Since it was free I decided that I would try it, but expected to drop out after the first unit. Well, guess what, I did not drop out and I have built a website, kind of, but the point is that I don’t think I would have given it a thought when I was younger. I was busy with life: husband, kids, house. Now, I want to give it the time it needs because I think it will be of value to me and I think stretching my brain is important. I am proud of myself and I have enrolled in a couple of other web courses. I now have a little bit of confidence in that area.

Do you love music and want to learn to read music? Take lessons. Just open your mind and learn what you can. Take a cooking class. Take a gardening class. Listen to a lecture at your library.

Get Better at an Old Favorite

I like to knit. I’ve done it for quite some time but I usually knit very simple pieces because I don’t think of myself as an expert knitter. So, what is an expert knitter? Is there a club that I can’t join? Of course not. I can call myself an expert if I want to or I can learn to do more stitches and harder pieces and actually become one. And all that entails is finding a class and jumping in. I like to go to knitting shows and take a few classes. I learn so much and even if I never use it I think it makes a difference in my quality of life. Anything you like to do improves your life and becoming better at that thing improves it even more. Expanding on something you already know fills you with joy. What’s better than that?

Technology

You might not like this, but here it is: when I hear a person my age or older talk about technology then shrug their shoulders and hold up their hands, I feel sorry for them. I hear people all the time say they don’t understand it. Well, start to understand it. Learn a little about it. Because if you plan to live for a while it is not going to go away. It is going to progress with or without you and your life can be opened up to so many possibilities with just a little bit of tech knowledge. Seniors who are computer savvy study their portfolios, plan travel routes and skype with their grandchildren across the world. To not stay somewhat up to date with technology is to deny yourself the opportunity to learn. There is an app called Lynda that offers tutorials for all kinds of tech studies so you can learn at your own pace. You can take classes through your community outreach programs.

Go to School

In most states in the U.S. colleges offer classes to senior citizens for free. The admissions office can help you register. It is one of the most rewarding experiences to be in class with young people; to make friends with them. If you want that kind of interaction make sure not to take an online class. You are really out of your comfort zone when you take a class at a college or university. It stretches your mind and they learn that one can learn at any age.

Can’t Leave Home Without It

May 10, 2018

I am telling you about one of my favorite things again because I am so addicted that I can’t leave home without it. This Grande Primer brushes on your eyelashes creating a white layer that sticks like glue, then you brush your mascara on top of that and I am telling you it is a game changer. If I forget to put it on and go straight to the mascara, I look I am not wearing makeup at all. It makes that much of a difference. I will even take off all my eye makeup and start over if I forget it. I used to wear false eyelashes every day and now I don’t need them. I also use their Grande Lash every night before I go to bed and my lashes are growing for the first time ever. Try both. I promise you will honestly see a difference.

Are You the Woman You Want to Be?

May 6, 2018

Think about this: are you the woman you want to be? Really, if you listed all the attributes that you would possess if you were exactly who you want to be, do you have them? That thought came to me during a conversation with a coach that I hired to help me move forward more intentionally. I thought I knew all the answers by now but I began to think about what pieces are missing, and how I can change that. As much as I write about embracing change, I am not doing that as fully as I thought I was, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you might be in the same boat.

I believe that for the first time I am totally aware that while I appear to be making everything work out great on the outside, I still have too many demons on the inside and they are holding me back from being the woman I want to be. So, you know what, it is time to change that and my hope is that you will join me. Take a look at these steps to getting closer to being the woman you want to be.

What is Missing in Your Life?

Honestly, if you had a perfect life, what would it look like? When you are daydreaming, and we all do, what is that dream? Where do you live? Who is with you? What does your average day look like? Are you the rockstar of your own life? Of course, you are, it’s your dream. Allow yourself to think about what your best life would look like. Not your win the lottery life but your best real life. What is missing from that life and do you really want it, or you just say you do? If you honestly do want to change your life, then how can you make it happen?

How Can You Get There?

To get to a new restaurant you need directions right? Well, if you need help moving forward toward your perfect life, do you know where to get that assistance? Tomorrow, what action will you take? Are you moving forward in the process, or are you just paying lip service to it? What professionals can help you make that dream a reality? Or friends? Or colleagues? Or family members?

Are You Sure It Is What You Want?

Be honest with yourself. Even though you say you would like to quit working, maybe the reason you haven’t is that it isn’t really what you want. If what you say and what you do are not the same, there is a fly in the ointment? Something isn’t quite right. Focusing your attention inward will eventually lead you to what you genuinely care about. When your daily activities are not aligning with where you want to go, something is off. Here’s an idea: write down what your perfect life would look like. Match it up to what your life is right now. Do they align? If the answer is yes, yay! If the answer is no, then maybe it isn’t what you want, or maybe you need to focus more on that piece of your life so you can actually get there.

When you align what you value with how you live your life, it doesn’t get any better. You are living your life as you intend. You are who you say you are and that is peace of mind.

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