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New Year’s resolutions are the worst! They are a recipe for failure, yet every year we make them. Well stop it! This year, don’t make resolutions, make action items.
I have a little bit of a system I use to make action items, whether they are at the beginning of the year, or any time. It is a way for me to actually move forward, a way for me to succeed at positive change year after year and it just works for me. Take it and make it your own, but move forward. I am all about change and the positive effect that it can have on your life.
For whatever reason, the number 3 is perfect for me when making plans for the future. There are a couple of different ways to use the 3-pronged approach to preparing yourself for change:
Small, Medium, Large
- Small, medium, large: This is a great way for me to look ahead and see what I want to happen in the next year.
- Take the small item first. It can be the most mundane, everyday activity you can imagine, but it should be something you would like to see yourself be better about. Flossing, let’s say you want to be better about flossing your teeth, you want to do it every night before bed. That can be your small item. Here is what will happen: you will start flossing every night and then before you know it you will be in the habit and doing it without even thinking. Done, accomplished, off your list. Yay!
- Medium: I look at this a little like the sales goals that I had to make back in my sales days. It is a kind of tracker for you: are you on task or behind or ahead on a project you want to complete? It doesn’t have to be work related. It can be that sweater you want to knit or the 10,000 steps a day goal you want to maintain. Whatever it is, you should make this attainable but not too easy. After all, it is a goal, not a TV watching schedule! Make this action one that pushes you to achieve, doesn’t lull you to sleep.
- Now, large: This is your dream. But, a dream that you have to work at, not just wait for (isn’t that always the way?). Let’s say you want to write a book, well let’s say you say you want to write a book. It never happens, does it? It is going to happen in 2019! If that is your end game, then start with that at the end of 2019 and work backward. Break the process down into manageable and actionable steps: The outline, the number of words that you need to write each week, day or month, etc. Be realistic but firm with yourself. Or, you want to take an Alaskan Cruise, but can’t afford it. Well, start saving, sister! Make a plan for how you are going to make it happen and how much you need to tuck away each week to make that work. While you are doing that you can work on the research for the best deal, etc. By the time you find what you are looking for you will already have your down payment! And remember, do not be afraid to travel alone (https://startingoveratsixty.com/the-5-best-reasons-to-enjoy-traveling-alone/).
Personal, Professional, Home
- If small, medium, large doesn’t float your boat, try personal, professional, home. You can use these three categories for annual action item setting or even for weekly, daily or monthly projects.
- Let’s look at personal: eat less, exercise more, lose weight. Easy, maybe accurate, but come on, make things a little more customized for you. It can be anything, so live it up. Maybe you want to grow your hair longer, so no haircut for at least six months. Or you want to commit to building more muscle, so three days a week with weight training. Or, you want to make changes your style, so you are going to hire a wardrobe consultant to go through your closet with you to begin the change. Want to go on some dates? Force yourself to go on a dating site for three months or look for a singles meetup. You get the drift.
- Professional should be an action that gets you excited about the coming year. And, if you are retired, you can consider your volunteer life as professional. Or you can go back to school to get some new training: that can be professional. Whatever you want to do to move yourself forward, do it, learn it or accomplish it. Bravo!
- Home is the comfort piece of your action items. Want to create a craft room from your son’s old bedroom? Do it now. Do you feel like every closet is in need of a good clean out? 2019 is the year. Again, set monthly tasks for yourself and you will tackle the mess in much less time. I like to do one tiny activity in my home to improve it every day. That can be as small as cleaning out the junk drawer, or drawers, or as complicated and reorganizing my kitchen. It might be a remodel that you have been considering: now you can get to work on the planning and executing.
Here is the good news, by the end of 2019 you will have moved forward in ways that right now are just thoughts. Just ideas in your head. Just painful reminders that they are still on your list.
Happy Action Item Planning!
Read MoreStarting Over at Sixty has been a labor of love, a love letter, from me to you over the past few years and I get excited every week when I sit down to write my post: I feel like I am talking with best friends. But, I’ve been wanting to connect with you, my sisters, on deeper, more personal levels. I want to strengthen our community of single women, 50+, through discussion, through the sharing of best practices and through offering solutions to the many issues we all have in common. I want Starting Over at Sixty to be your go-to resource when you feel like you need strength, when you feel like you need understanding and when you feel like you are confused by the direction of your life. Because, everything you want is within reach, you just might need a little direction finding the path.
So, in the coming weeks, you will notice a re-vamping of Starting Over at Sixty. For those of you who love what you read, thank you, and don’t worry, the site will continue to contain all of the original content that you enjoy and I will continue to speak to you through writing about my experiences. In addition, for those of you looking to be a part of a strong community of women, you will find it here. You can subscribe for more pinpointed content just for you: content that will lead you along a path of action, a path of self-improvement and a path toward the happy life you are looking for.
But, there’s more. If you are lonely and looking for a way to turn your life around, I can help you. If you are isolated and looking for direction toward the life that seems to elude you year after year, I can help you. And, if you are tired of waiting to charge up your life for the next chapter, I can help you. I want to be your “wing woman.” Through one-on-one teamwork, we will get you moving forward to the life you have been dreaming about but have been unable to attain.
I am offering so many new ways for you to “use” Starting Over at Sixty as your inspiration and as your community. It should be your warm blanket and your kick in the pants at the same time. Get ready to start changing your life!
Read MoreHere we go: the holidays are here and those holidays offer a mixed bag of emotions for all of us, no matter what our marital status. But, if you are 50+ and single, you may not see a Norman Rockwell painting when you look ahead at what’s coming. So what can you do about that? How can you make the next six weeks happier and less ominous? One word, plan. Plan, plan, plan. That way you can prepare yourself for the potholes in the road ahead and try to avoid them. You have seen these ideas here before at Starting Over at Sixty, but they can’t be overstated: you must plan your holidays so you can stay out of the darkness that can take over when you get loneliness creeps in.
Are you going to be alone on Thanksgiving? First, remember that not all family affairs are perfect. When I was a kid, I thought everyone in the universe was at a dinner table having the time of their lives on Thanksgiving: family, food and fun. I was an only child and so it was just the three of us. That was not what I thought Thanksgiving should look like. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that not all big, family Thanksgivings are anywhere near perfect, but we do romanticize the day. That being said, many of us have that perfect vision, and when we are left out of it, our hearts are a little broken. So, what can you plan for on Thanksgiving? It’s a good day to take a long walk, to watch the parade and to watch the dog show. It is a great day to go to a movie, or even two. Make a plan to see someone, anyone, at some point during the day so you are not 100% isolated.
Christmas Eve and Christmas are big family days, of course, and I know that I used to dread waking up on Christmas morning alone. But, I also don’t like it when my adult children leave to move on to other family celebrations that don’t include me. So, when I can, I take the afternoon-evening shift so when they get there they are all mine for the rest of the day. I go to church if I am alone on Christmas Eve because it takes my mind off myself for a while and puts the joy back in the holiday. That’s just me. You can choose to do anything you want, but Christmas Eve always feels like a more sacred, joyous time, and you might want to enjoy that feeling, whether you are alone or not, whether you are Christian or not. It is my favorite night of the year. On Christmas, I can get through anything when I know I have something to look forward to.
Now, for New Year’s Eve; is there any more hated holiday? I hated it when I was young and single, I hated it when I was married and I hate it now that I am old and single. It feels to me like a time to celebrate how painfully aware I am of how fast time goes by! I am happy to see the dawn of January 1st so I can say goodbye to New Year’s Eve. So, I am always proactive for New Year’s Eve because it is not an evening that I want to leave to chance. I have invited friends for a dinner party. I have gone to a comedy club for some fun. And, this year I have planned to go to an Inn for a couple of days to do absolutely nothing! But, the key to getting through it is to do more than get through it: it is to create your own fun. Make it happen!
So, I want you to sit down right now and plan your next six weeks: plan for parties or the lack thereof. Plan for the actual holidays and your possible lonely times. And, plan for the fun, the moments that make the holidays happy and joyful and full of love. Make the most of this time by preparing for the worst and enjoying the best the holidays can offer.
Happy Holidays!
Read MoreAging isn’t for wimps, is it? And, there are times when it seems that as a single woman I am falling apart without a support system. It’s easy to have a pity party, isn’t it? But, if you need a pick-me-up just look around you to feel pride. Look at the people who you have helped, the people you have raised, the people you have lifted up in your world and I don’t care who you are, you will swell up and send that pity party packing.
I was at an event this week to honor my uncle. When we were assembled to take a family photo, I thought, “Who would have ever imagined the paths that our lives would take and the families that we built around us? Who would have thought all of this would be possible nearly forty years ago when our lives looked pretty bleak?”
My uncle and I both lost our parents in our twenties (my mother was his sister). He lost his wife to cancer in his early forties, just one month after cancer took my mother. I can remember being at my aunt’s funeral and feeling like the sky was falling. We were a couple of sad sacks, and we were the last ones standing in our little family. Mark was left with a six-year-old daughter to raise. We had both had a lot to deal with in each of our short lives.
My uncle remarried and has lived happily ever after. And, while my marriage wasn’t a happily ever after situation, I have three wonderful adult children who are proof that I did something good.
Now, here we were at a photo-op, my uncle and his wife, his daughter, their grandchildren, and me with one of my sons. This was our family that he and I could never have imagined all those years ago. This is the family that we both wish our mothers could have known. For me, it was a moment. I felt so much pride, even though nothing was about me that day. I just kept thinking about where we came from and where we are now.
So, again, I say that aging isn’t for wimps, and sometimes it feels like the Titanic. But once in a while, you get a glimpse of what your life has been all about and I can’t imagine even one of you not being able to look back at your lives and think about what you have accomplished and the people you have helped or nurtured along the way. And, again I say, just look around you to feel pride.
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