You can learn a lot about yourself by being alone.  It’s not always a bad thing.  I have learned way more about myself when I am on my own than I have when I am in a crowd.  That crowd Paula is happy and loud and funny.  When I am alone, I’m just Paula.  My time alone means time to think, time to process and time to understand what I like and what I don’t like.  And, if you are not a person who spends much time alone, you need to start.  It can be lifesaving.  Without that time, that time to rest your mind and kind of zone out for a while, it is difficult to get centered.  It is hard to fuel back up without putting on the brakes every once in a while.

Becoming Comfortable Alone

I have to say, I have always been comfortable alone.  The man I was married to for more than thirty years was not.  I was an only child so I always had my own room.  I could hang out in my room for hours and hours and do nothing.  It was my nest.  I would do handstands against the door of my closet hour after hour (what would happen if I had to do a handstand now?  I can picture my arms just crumbling to rubble and me landing on my head!)  I would just hang around in my room  and I like to think that the time was spent making me who I am today.  That was the time for imagination and dreaming and wondering why some boy didn’t call me, then deciding I didn’t want him to call me anyway, then crying because that boy who I didn’t want to call me anyway, didn’t call me.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been comfortable being alone.  I’ve been lucky enough to have lots of friends throughout my life and loved being in big houses full of other kids when I spent the night when I was young, but I got to come home and spend the rest of my time the way I wanted to, without much interruption.

I was also a kid who learned to sew and knit, so as I grew up I usually had some project going, like crocheting blankets for my parents and friends for Christmas.  I could sit in front of the TV making something for someone for hours and be content.  I was happy.

When Alone Time Can’t Be Found

Then I got married and had kids and worked outside the home on and off and there was not one minute alone! And, just when I thought I was alone, a baby would cry or a husband would moan and I was back at it.  It didn’t take long for me to figure out that without alone time, I was a crab!  Looking back,  I just needed that time to reset and regroup and get back to center before I went out the door the next day.  Life seemed to0 never let up until the kids were out of the house.  Boy, did I have alone time then!

Alone When it is Not by Choice

The sad part of being alone is when you are and don’t want to be and it is all there is.  That is true loneliness and not fun and not happy.  When I was first on my own again I had a lot of nights when I was alone and lonely and no amount of knitting could make that better.  I could have wrapped the world in wool and would have still been lonely.  I know alone and I know lonely and lonely is not a choice.  It is having no one and nothing to go to and it is ugly.  Even making the choice to be alone can make you lonely for a while.  But the two are not interchangeable and I can be lonely in a room full of people and was for most of my marriage.

So, get to know yourself and know whether you need time alone or not.  If that is missing in your life you can fix that.  Carve it out.  Find that time to recharge.  I am aware that I have to have that to be happy.  For me, it is as important as sleep, that is certain.  And, learn to enjoy that alone time.  You deserve it.