Seems like a no-brainer, right. As the song goes, “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.” While I am not clapping my hands I have become aware of my happiness. Guess what: I am happy. That doesn’t mean I am trouble free and it doesn’t mean that my life is one big ball of cotton candy, but I am happy and I am just now becoming aware of my happiness. Two years ago I moved out of my house, with my husband still in it, and started my life over. I hated every minute of it and I honestly thought my life had all but ended. Everything that defined me, wife and mother, was no longer there. My children were grown and gone and my role as wife had “expired”. I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to start over and I didn’t want that part of my life to change. I wanted to be a wife and a mother in an intact family and giving up on that dream nearly did me in. But now, now I’m happy. I willed myself to be happy, even at times when that was the farthest thing from the truth.
Here are some of the ways that I can tell I am happy and I am guessing that if you are experiencing any or all of these you are, too.
I am awake, I sleep, I wake up
Sounds very simple, doesn’t it. It’s not. And, it was anything but simple for me for the last few decades. I have known so many women over the years who just couldn’t sleep, and it was no wonder with babies and children who turned into teenagers. And, by nature, a mother never sleeps soundly for the rest of her life. But I have been chronically awake for many years. I tried medication and meditation and still very little sleep. With happiness came sleep. Happy sleep. The kind of sleep that allows me to wake up in the middle of the night and go back to sleep rather than ruminate over my bad married life.
When I moved into an apartment, it took a long time for me to adjust and for me to feel comfortable sleeping alone in my own bed. Want to know how I like it now? It is the bomb! I go to bed, I fall asleep, there is no one there to wake me up so I stay asleep, then, when morning hits, I wake up. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
I am Happy with my Downtime and I am Just Busy Enough
Everyone needs to feel needed. Everyone needs to feel necessary. And everyone needs to feel like part of the world. It isn’t healthy for anyone to continually be on vacation, but filling every hour of the day is worse.
In my younger years, I felt that if I wasn’t super busy I wasn’t relevant. I had no value. Now, I don’t want to have any value! I want to be the least valuable person in the room! I have nothing to prove so I don’t keep adding more to my plate. I say no to requests for my time. I am happy not being super busy: it made me grouchy. I am active physically and still active in the community, but I just don’t care about being so busy that I have no time to myself. As a matter of fact, I say no invitations when I need a little break. I know that I am happier when I am not so overbooked.
I Look Forward to the Weekend
I have to admit that when I was first single and living in my little one room loft, I hated to see the weekend come. I was lonely, even though I had lots of friends who included me in their plans. Sooner or later I had to go home, and home was just me. For more than 30 years home had been me and my husband and while he was not the great communicator, he was a living, breathing body on the other side of the bed. He was there to have breakfast with and to watch a game with or go to a movie with. Now single, it was not unusual for me to be sitting in my apartment on Friday night and have no plans until workout class Monday morning. That was tough.
Maybe I am just used to my new normal, but as long as I have one activity to look forward to on the weekend, I am a happy camper. Now when I go home I am not lonely, I am just alone, and that is OK.
I Don’t Miss my Children Every Second
When my marriage ended, I felt at loose ends. I had been so used to being the go-to person for everything. Our family revolved around me: I was the connector to all travel, holidays, birthdays, scheduling, etc. So, when the marriage came to an end, so did that “job.” I missed my children every second, maybe because they were now my entire family, my safe haven. They were my everything. It isn’t that fun for them to be my everything! I knew that at the time but I had to hold on to them for a while until I got my footing. Until I became stable again. But let me tell you, I hung on their every word, every movement, every for a long time. And now, I am able to let them catch their breath. I love any little bone they throw my way, but they are not 100% of my life, nor should they be. They were my lifeboat for a while and I am so lucky to have had them there to hold me up for a while.
I Smile for No Reason
Embarrassing but true, I find myself smiling while I am walking the dog. I think people think I am on earbuds listening to someone on the phone, but I am not. I am just smiling. I might be thinking about something or someone and I realize I have a smile on my face. In my marriage, there weren’t many smiles to be had. I was having to fake it. And now, I am smiling for nothing? I’ve come a long way baby!
I Throw my Hat in the Air Each Time I Walk Out of my Apartment
OK, I do not do this, but sometimes I feel just like Mary Tyler Moore when I am walking out of my apartment. I might just throw my hat in the air for effect. I am happy to be healthy and alive and vital. I have just enough free time. I exercise and work and go to movies and listen to music and do all the things that make me happy. Mary Richards has nothing on me.
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I know I know…old ladies often wear the same makeup styles and colors for their whole lives. Well, not this old lady! I do have my favorite makeup products, but I try new makeup and new makeup trends all the time. Some work and some don’t. When I am trying something new, I look in the mirror before I go out the door I say to myself, “WWKS,” which is, “What would Kevyn say.” Kevyn is my daughter, and believe me when I tell you, she cuts me no slack: all she has to do is give me the stink eye and it is back to the drawing board.
And, while I love trying new trends, there are some must haves that I swear by. This one is probably my longest running go-to makeup product: Wet-n-Wild Lip Pencil #666.
I found it years ago when I read in a magazine that some Super Model used it all the time, and I was sure that if I used it, I would become a Super Model, too. I went to Walgreen’s and bought it for $.99. Since that time I have used lots of other lip pencils, but always go back to 666 (pretend it’s 999 if that number makes you nervous).
It is a wine color with a little bit of brown mixed in. I am wearing it in my head shot on the cover page of the website. It works for everyone. I recently heard a makeup artist refer to it again, and that is probably 20 years later!
I use it on my whole lip, then use a lip balm or Chapstick over it. And, now I mostly use it by itself as a matte lipstick. How trendy am I?
The crazy old lady in me comes out whenever I am in the CVS or Walgreen’s, and I buy all of them in stock, because I am afraid they will discontinue the color and then what would I do! I probably have dozens tucked away in my bathroom.
Sadly, that lip pencil did not make me a Super Model…good thing they are so affordable for us mere mortals.
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Humor
Brilliance doesn’t get in my way. Glamour is not an issue for me. But, I am funny. I don’t know if that includes the way I look, I kind of hope not, but I am funny. My Dad was funny. I think that is where it started. My Uncle is funny. And now, my kids are funny. I am an only child so I know that when I was young the best way to make friends in a group of strangers is to say something funny. If you continue to be funny they will put you in charge so you need to know when to stop! I am pretty self-deprecating, which, in my opinion, is the best way to be. Much better to laugh at my own expense than to laugh at others’.
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Diane LeMay’s Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon
After completing her first Ironman 70.3, Diane LeMay took a couple of weeks off. She needed a new goal. When she met with trainer Kim Clark, Clark asked her about her interests. LeMay, as a seminary student, hopes to become a member of the clergy and work in the prison system. What could combine a triathlon and prison? Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon, with a 1.5-mile swim, an 18-mile bike and 8-mile run!
It was October and the event was coming up in June so there was no time to waste. LeMay’s training was much more intense this time around. It included endurance swimming much more than her original training schedule. She swam 2- 2.5 miles often to get ready for the race. For the cycling portion of the race, LeMay used a virtual trainer several times to help her become familiar with the course, which she found helpful. Recognizing landmarks gave her a mental edge, she thought.
The run in the Alcatraz race incorporates all types of terrain, including sand, trails and roadways. And, there is the dreaded sand ladder at about mile 4.5. To be able to make it up the sand ladder, LeMay had to work on lifting her legs and knees, so she practiced on a set of 148 stairs: she conquered about 1500 steps every other week to get those muscles strengthened. In the race, once you get through the sand ladder there are still about 3.5 miles to run. The training was intense but she felt well prepared. LeMay felt that it was necessary to take a couple of weeks off of work just to focus on her training, so she did.
LeMay doesn’t like to get to a race too early: she gets nervous. So, she went out on Thursday and planned to get in a practice swim in order to get used to the 50-degree water temperature and the waves and to get used to her wetsuit. During her practice swim, LeMay got caught in a riptide. She was swimming forward but going backward. She put her hand up for some needed help from one of the kayak guides, but when it reached her, the man in the kayak said, “You are never going to make it. You have to turn around and swim to the other beach.” Then he was gone. She couldn’t see the other beach. She thought she was going to die right then and there.
LeMay felt like she was going to be OK, but she was taking in water. All the other swimmers were gone. Two women saw her from the dock and began yelling to her that they were going to get help, but she couldn’t hear them. She just kept screaming, “Don’t leave me.” They didn’t. They kept talking to her, and even though she didn’t know what they were saying, it was a relief to know that someone had eyes on her. Soon, a man in a kilt (yes, a kilt) came out on a paddleboard. He said to her, “Your swim is fantastic and your form is great. I am going to paddle next to you and you are going to be fine.” And, she was. When she got out of the water she began to cry. She never saw any of them again.
Processing What Just Happened
Walking the 2.5 miles back to her hotel she had to process what had just happened: it was almost unreal. She knew if she didn’t get back in that water on Saturday for another practice swim she would never get in on Sunday for the race. “I had to slay that dragon,” LeMay said, who went back to her hotel and read a book about “reclaiming your badass.”
The next morning the same group of swimmers was ready for another chance at a practice swim. LeMay told one of the women who was working as a guide, about her experience in the water on the day before. “That woman was so comforting to me and she told me she would have me in her sight for the whole swim,” she said. Whether or not she did was unclear but it didn’t matter. LeMay felt like the woman had her back the whole way, and as hard as it was to make herself jump into that water, she felt excited when she did, she felt free. And, she swam the entire course, coming in with twenty minutes to spare before the cut-off. “I was on Cloud 9,” she said.
Sunday, the Coast Guard made the announcement that the swim portion of the race was canceled: the tide was not conducive to swimming and was unsafe. The race would start with cycling. One woman near LeMay had been trying to get into the race, a lottery, for ten years. LeMay felt so lucky that she had done the swim the day before: now she knew she had accomplished it, even though it wouldn’t be part of the race.
Plan B
The race was unlike any other: they had to bus the participants to the bikes, wetsuits had to come off in 50-degree weather and the races were timed because organizers had to send five people off at a time for safety reasons. But, she did it and she is proud of her accomplishment.
LeMay lost 48 pounds in during her triathlon training, saying that she actually had to start eating more, and smarter, during that time. She learned a lot about protein.
What’s next? LeMay isn’t sure. She suffered a torn meniscus in the sand and had to have surgery. Her knees are not in great shape, so she may have to find new ways to challenge herself. Swimming and biking are her two favorites anyway so an Aquabike might be in her future. The biggest lesson she learned from her first two triathlons: the physical challenges made her an emotionally stronger woman.