I have written about dating sites for us long-in-the-tooth girls before, but I wanted to revisit that topic at the beginning of a new year and I added some abbreviations that you will want to keep in mind as you move forward in the dating world.
I have been married for the last million years, so when I found myself single and in my sixties, I realized that I would have to approach dating differently. As much as I have heard about online dating, it was completely foreign to me. I just dabbed my toe in the online dating pond and found that I had to be bilingual: I had to speak English and Dating Code (by the way, I’m sure that bilingual means something different online, but I couldn’t think of any other way to say it).
The first thing I noticed when I went to my first dating site was that men take very little time and put nearly no effort into the photos that they post. Do they just know that there are more women than men out there looking so they can come to the table, metaphorically speaking, with their belts unbuckled and their boxers showing? Really, have some self-respect, you guys! Here are a few things not to post:
1. Anything that is blurry. Why do men post out of focus photos? Can’t see? Just take another one. Unless you’re saving “film” or are trying to hide your identity because you are in the witness protection program, post a photograph that is in focus.
2. The picture that you took of yourself in your bathroom. Every single man with an online profile posts a photo of himself looking in the bathroom mirror. Men, this type of selfie never ends well. It just doesn’t. The focus is seldom clear, you are looking into the camera which is usually down around the belt and the flash shows up in the photo. While taking the photo you appear to be looking at your package. Because of the degree of difficulty with this complicated treatment, I have never seen one man smiling when he has posted a bathroom selfie.
3. I do not want to see a photo of your motorcycle. I know what a motorcycle looks like.
4. I do not want to see a photo of you in the seventies. It makes it clear that you peaked early.
5. If you are taking a selfie, reclining in your Barco-lounger tells me that most of your time is spent in that position in front of the TV. It may be true, but ease me into that.
6. And please, please, please do not post a photo of your abs. Leave something to our imaginations. We can see that you are in shape or not with your clothes on.
While the photos are completely self-explanatory, you either like what you see or you don’t, the acronyms used in the online dating world might need a little clarification. Most of us know that SWF means Single White Female, and BBW means Big Beautiful Woman, there are a few acronyms that have a different meaning to those of us over a certain age. Here’s some help:
D/D Free: This means drug and disease free. Important when you are young. However, only dating someone drug and disease free will narrow the pool considerably. There isn’t a man in my age group who isn’t on Lipitor, Coumadin, Pantoprazole, or Insulin. And disease free? Just try to meet a man without diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, or COPD.
FWB: This may be the most important acronym of them all. It means Friends with Benefits. However, say the word benefits to anyone over sixty and you are talking money, not sex. I would marry a man who was a friend, in order to get his benefits (Not really. Just making a point!). Benefits are never more important than when you are in your later years, so don’t even mention benefits unless you are ready to ante up.
MBA: This means Married but Available. Translation, married but asshole! Say no more.
DTE: Down to Earth. Well, I hope you are down to earth! What kind of man is full of himself at 70? There isn’t much time before you are six feet under the earth so get with it.
W: According to an online dating slang dictionary, this has two meanings White or Widowed. I don’t care if you are white, and I don’t care if you are widowed, but I would like to know which one you are and this is a little too open-ended for me. White and Widowed are not interchangeable.
GSOH: Good Sense of Humor. It scares me a little when a man above sixty says that he has a good sense of humor. I feel like it might be a “pull my finger” kind of sense of humor. Just tell me you are funny or tell me you like funny people.
MM: It’s not the candy so who cares what it means.
Good luck with all of this. It’s not easy but it is never dull!
Read MoreA few years ago I received a Christmas card with a note in it from a friend. It said, “a donation has been made to a local hospital in your name.” Nice, thank you. But for some reason, I didn’t feel like it was nice. I kind of had a scrunched up face after I read it. Wasn’t I happy that a donation had been made? Of course, I was. Wasn’t it nice of them to make such a generous gift? It was. And, didn’t I give when I could? I did. So why was I not very happy. I had everything I needed and then some, so, it wasn’t the actual gift I was grouchy about. I couldn’t understand why it left a bad taste in my mouth. Something was off. Giving to charity is rewarding, right?
Here’s why I didn’t like it ( it took me a while to process). Because it took the most fun part of being charitable out of the equation for me: the physical act of making a donation of money or time is what makes me feel so good inside. And et’s face it, I had been hit by the trifecta of gift -giving let downs: I had already sent his gift to him, so he was going to open it and be happy because I am a good gift-giver, I was not getting a gift from him (not much of a loss, but a loss just the same) and the gift giver felt all warm and fuzzy because he had made a substantial donation to a local hospital. I want to say again, I was very happy that the hospital got the donation.
Now, I know that not one person in my life needs anything. Even my adult children are well cared for and are comfortable in their lives. And, if you follow Starting Over at Sixty you know that I have written extensively about how happy it makes me to give back to my community. But the fun, the happiness, the real joy of volunteering or donating is in the doing. In the volunteering, in the learning about the needs of the community, in the meeting of the people who appreciate your help no matter how small and in the donating, if that’s the route you take. It really is what the season is all about. Charity is personal. It is something that you don’t have to do but want to do.
If someone wants to give in your honor this year, good for the recipient. But, you will miss out on the best part, the part that makes you feel good.
Read MoreI have written before about a little book that I think has lots of tips in a small amount pages. Design Your Day, by Claire Diaz-Ortiz, is a great, quick read for organizing your life, rather than just your sock drawer! One of the tidbits that has stuck with me is the creation of one word or thought that is your mantra, your go-to when you feel like you are veering off track. So a couple of years ago I came up with the word “forward” to keep me moving in that direction. I still like that one and I still use it to “right the ship” when I feel like I am off course. But, my life has changed so much in the last few years since I am now well into my sixties and single, I thought it was time to come up with a new word that better defines how I want my life to go in the next year or two. Forward, I am not abandoning you and I want to keep moving that way, and I will always love you as my first word, but it is time to expand my repertoire of directional focus (that sounds like a self-help phrase doesn’t it?).
Goodbye Forward, Hello Goal
When my life was turned upside down and my marriage crumbled after more than thirty years, I constantly felt unstable, like I was walking on a waterbed of the seventies (don’t pretend you don’t remember). Every step was unstable and I was constantly wobbling and falling and having to catch my balance and try to stay upright. I spent a lot of time clinging to the edge. So “forward” gave me a direction and I could keep it in my sights. It helped me to put one foot in front of the other when I could barely move. Fast forward (pun intended) and I am perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet now and need to set the bar a little higher. I need to look ahead farther down the road.
Enter “Goal.” That is my word for 2018. I have given it a lot of thought and while I have moved forward quite nicely, I need more incentive to move to the next stage of life. I am now a fully functional single woman in her sixties, not the weepy sadsack that I was even one year ago. In my head, I am using goal as a verb, not as a thing but as an action. It is not something to achieve, but the act of achieving it. After all, it isn’t the achievement that is important but the getting there that makes it worthwhile, that creates inner growth and gives you that “job well done,” feeling. “Goal me,” is how I will think about it in my head. Kind of a “bring it on,” mentality.
What is Your Word?
During this holiday season, there are often times of sadness, especially if you are a woman who has had to start your life over after fifty, sixty or beyond. So start now, start right now thinking about a word that can help get you one step closer to where you want to be. You will know when you have the right one for you. It will stick in your head and you will revisit it over and over. Then get going. You don’t have to wait for 2018 to get started. However, let me say this: if your word turns out to be a bust, if it just doesn’t fit, guess what, pick another word. “Forward” was not the first word I landed on a year or two ago. I had others but as I put them into practice they just were not right. Be flexible with yourself. After all, it is yourself, your word, your motion.
What is the right word for you? What is the word that is sticking in your head for 2018? And, what will it mean for you in the coming year? I would love to hear from you, not just now, but all year long. I want to know how just one word helps you in your daily life. Believe it or not, one word can make a huge difference.
Read MoreNo matter what size or age, many women have beautiful legs and cover them up. This holiday season, go for it! Get those legs out on display. This dress by Wai Ming ($374.00) not only gives you a chance to display those pretty legs but has small cut-outs at the shoulder as well. I love a cold shoulder, but I often feel like my arm looks like a ham hock in that look. If the cut-out is too low, it is just too much flesh. Not so with this look. So, when you are looking at cold-shoulder items for your wardrobe, make sure to try them on because they vary and may not be right for your arms. Use this great Wai Ming dress as a guide. Thread earrings ($48.00) and Calleen Cordero shoes ($675.00). https://shopthreadonline.com/
Read MoreWant to be ready to help someone in need this winter? I was talking with a friend about the virus and cold weather coming and the homeless people in our neighborhood. We both live in the downtown area, and we come across people every day who need help. It is painful to witness and also hard to know what to do.
A friend told me about attending a party where the hostess had put together bags to keep in the car to hand out to anyone who was holding a sign at the highway exit or looked like they were cold or just needed help. I loved that idea! So, when I was at the hardware store this morning, I picked up some hand warmers. I plan to grab everything else this week and get my bags together. Now, I know that someone might throw it back at me, but I’m tough. I can handle that. It will still feel better than just driving by. You can do it, too. Here’s what goes into my Blessings Bags:
One Gallon Ziploc Bag
Fill each bag with one of the following:
Handwarmers
Granola Bar
Bottled Water
Gloves
Hat
Just have one or two handy in your car. I keep one in my bag when I’m walking since I walk more than I drive. And, add what you think is important: socks, chapstick, etc. This is your gift to someone in need. Some people have told me that they put notes in the bags. I like the idea of socks. Think about what you would want if you were in need.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, feels as good as helping others. It just doesn’t. And it doesn’t have to be big. One of these bags might be all the help someone gets on any given day. I post this Blessing Bags reminder every year, and every year I hear from many of you about how you have customized your bags. It warms my heart to know that some of you have your bags in the backs of your cars.
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