Starting Over at Sixty has been a labor of love, a love letter, from me to you over the past few years and I get excited every week when I sit down to write my post: I feel like I am talking with best friends. But, I’ve been wanting to connect with you, my sisters, on deeper, more personal levels. I want to strengthen our community of single women, 50+, through discussion, through the sharing of best practices and through offering solutions to the many issues we all have in common. I want Starting Over at Sixty to be your go-to resource when you feel like you need strength, when you feel like you need understanding and when you feel like you are confused by the direction of your life. Because, everything you want is within reach, you just might need a little direction finding the path.
So, in the coming weeks, you will notice a re-vamping of Starting Over at Sixty. For those of you who love what you read, thank you, and don’t worry, the site will continue to contain all of the original content that you enjoy and I will continue to speak to you through writing about my experiences. In addition, for those of you looking to be a part of a strong community of women, you will find it here. You can subscribe for more pinpointed content just for you: content that will lead you along a path of action, a path of self-improvement and a path toward the happy life you are looking for.
But, there’s more. If you are lonely and looking for a way to turn your life around, I can help you. If you are isolated and looking for direction toward the life that seems to elude you year after year, I can help you. And, if you are tired of waiting to charge up your life for the next chapter, I can help you. I want to be your “wing woman.” Through one-on-one teamwork, we will get you moving forward to the life you have been dreaming about but have been unable to attain.
I am offering so many new ways for you to “use” Starting Over at Sixty as your inspiration and as your community. It should be your warm blanket and your kick in the pants at the same time. Get ready to start changing your life!
Read MoreHere we go: the holidays are here and those holidays offer a mixed bag of emotions for all of us, no matter what our marital status. But, if you are 50+ and single, you may not see a Norman Rockwell painting when you look ahead at what’s coming. So what can you do about that? How can you make the next six weeks happier and less ominous? One word, plan. Plan, plan, plan. That way you can prepare yourself for the potholes in the road ahead and try to avoid them. You have seen these ideas here before at Starting Over at Sixty, but they can’t be overstated: you must plan your holidays so you can stay out of the darkness that can take over when you get loneliness creeps in.
Are you going to be alone on Thanksgiving? First, remember that not all family affairs are perfect. When I was a kid, I thought everyone in the universe was at a dinner table having the time of their lives on Thanksgiving: family, food and fun. I was an only child and so it was just the three of us. That was not what I thought Thanksgiving should look like. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that not all big, family Thanksgivings are anywhere near perfect, but we do romanticize the day. That being said, many of us have that perfect vision, and when we are left out of it, our hearts are a little broken. So, what can you plan for on Thanksgiving? It’s a good day to take a long walk, to watch the parade and to watch the dog show. It is a great day to go to a movie, or even two. Make a plan to see someone, anyone, at some point during the day so you are not 100% isolated.
Christmas Eve and Christmas are big family days, of course, and I know that I used to dread waking up on Christmas morning alone. But, I also don’t like it when my adult children leave to move on to other family celebrations that don’t include me. So, when I can, I take the afternoon-evening shift so when they get there they are all mine for the rest of the day. I go to church if I am alone on Christmas Eve because it takes my mind off myself for a while and puts the joy back in the holiday. That’s just me. You can choose to do anything you want, but Christmas Eve always feels like a more sacred, joyous time, and you might want to enjoy that feeling, whether you are alone or not, whether you are Christian or not. It is my favorite night of the year. On Christmas, I can get through anything when I know I have something to look forward to.
Now, for New Year’s Eve; is there any more hated holiday? I hated it when I was young and single, I hated it when I was married and I hate it now that I am old and single. It feels to me like a time to celebrate how painfully aware I am of how fast time goes by! I am happy to see the dawn of January 1st so I can say goodbye to New Year’s Eve. So, I am always proactive for New Year’s Eve because it is not an evening that I want to leave to chance. I have invited friends for a dinner party. I have gone to a comedy club for some fun. And, this year I have planned to go to an Inn for a couple of days to do absolutely nothing! But, the key to getting through it is to do more than get through it: it is to create your own fun. Make it happen!
So, I want you to sit down right now and plan your next six weeks: plan for parties or the lack thereof. Plan for the actual holidays and your possible lonely times. And, plan for the fun, the moments that make the holidays happy and joyful and full of love. Make the most of this time by preparing for the worst and enjoying the best the holidays can offer.
Happy Holidays!
Read MoreAging isn’t for wimps, is it? And, there are times when it seems that as a single woman I am falling apart without a support system. It’s easy to have a pity party, isn’t it? But, if you need a pick-me-up just look around you to feel pride. Look at the people who you have helped, the people you have raised, the people you have lifted up in your world and I don’t care who you are, you will swell up and send that pity party packing.
I was at an event this week to honor my uncle. When we were assembled to take a family photo, I thought, “Who would have ever imagined the paths that our lives would take and the families that we built around us? Who would have thought all of this would be possible nearly forty years ago when our lives looked pretty bleak?”
My uncle and I both lost our parents in our twenties (my mother was his sister). He lost his wife to cancer in his early forties, just one month after cancer took my mother. I can remember being at my aunt’s funeral and feeling like the sky was falling. We were a couple of sad sacks, and we were the last ones standing in our little family. Mark was left with a six-year-old daughter to raise. We had both had a lot to deal with in each of our short lives.
My uncle remarried and has lived happily ever after. And, while my marriage wasn’t a happily ever after situation, I have three wonderful adult children who are proof that I did something good.
Now, here we were at a photo-op, my uncle and his wife, his daughter, their grandchildren, and me with one of my sons. This was our family that he and I could never have imagined all those years ago. This is the family that we both wish our mothers could have known. For me, it was a moment. I felt so much pride, even though nothing was about me that day. I just kept thinking about where we came from and where we are now.
So, again, I say that aging isn’t for wimps, and sometimes it feels like the Titanic. But once in a while, you get a glimpse of what your life has been all about and I can’t imagine even one of you not being able to look back at your lives and think about what you have accomplished and the people you have helped or nurtured along the way. And, again I say, just look around you to feel pride.
Read MoreI went to a very inspirational meeting last week in New York where I was blown away by the accomplished speakers, all women in my age group. The audience was all women around my age as well. One of the speakers was an ageism expert and her talk was forceful and aggressive and highly motivating. However, quite a bit of her time was spent speaking about why women color their hair and have plastic surgery to look younger: her point was that we were buying into the youth culture ourselves, or at least that’s what I took away from her speech. She had a note of heightened anger in her voice and I thought to myself, “No more shaming! Take a look around the room.”
The sold-out crowd was full of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, and by beautiful, I mean it in the most inclusive sense of the word. They were black and white, tall and short, fat and thin, American and women from other countries. There were women wearing conservative suits and women in Birkenstocks. I saw women with every style and color of hair you can imagine. Every style of glasses, handbag, hat, and scarf was represented. Hair was curly and straight and blonde, black, gray, and red. I loved every minute of my people watching, so much so that I just found a seat and sat down without introducing myself to anyone or joining in any conversations. It was fascinating to me.
And as I thought about whether or not I was buying into the youth culture, as my speaker made me feel a little ashamed, I thought to myself, “Isn’t doing what I want to do, looking the way I want to look, about as independent and mature thinking as it gets? Shouldn’t I be allowed to do whatever I want to do with my body and hair? Is that not the point? I color my hair because I like the color of my hair. I like my boobs closer to my chin than my knees and that’s why I had them lifted, more than once. If that makes me happy and gave me more confidence, then what is the issue? Being able to do exactly what we want with our own bodies is what our freedom is all about, right?
Shaming women who want to color their hair or have plastic surgery is no better than holding negative opinions about women who do not. Ageism isn’t about the color of hair: ageism is about discrimination based on age. What I was seeing in that room was the power and vitality of women over 50. I was “studying” a room full of smart, diverse, intelligent women from all walks of life who are more than their looks, but who have earned the right to look just the way they want. So stop the shaming. Embrace the differences that make us all unique, even if they come in a bottle!
Honestly, in my opinion, it is such a waste of time to talk about a woman’s looks when there is so much more to each and every one of us.
Read MoreI am not very political. I try to be informed, but I can’t say I’m even that all the time. I have strong opinions about many subjects, but until a couple of years ago, I vacillated on many issues that face our world. I am no longer that woman. You may have similar feelings. But I do know this for sure: unless we women tell our stories to those young women around us, we will have missed an opportunity. We can only help to make the world a better place for our daughters and grand-daughters if we let them know what it was like to be a woman in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond. And, the only way to do that is to talk, to tell them about our lives. You must pass down your wisdom to the women around you.
We have all had them: we all have had experiences in which we were treated unfairly. We all have had experiences in which we were not paid as much as the men we were working with side by side. Many of us know how it feels to have a man make an unwanted advance toward us and not have anyone to report it to. Sadly, these are universal experiences for many of us women and if we keep all of that to ourselves when we leave this world, then shame on us. Shame on us for not letting young women know what it was like then so they can change it now. Shame on us for not telling our stories so other women can find the passion to right those wrongs. Shame on us for keeping them in the dark and not allowing our stories to help effect change.
The young women in your life undoubtedly love and respect you. So why would you not let them into your life as a young woman many years ago and let them know that it was not always that great and not that fair and that you are maybe seeing some of the same monsters rearing their ugly heads today?
OK, that’s all of my “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” rant. Pass down your stories!
How would you like to see things change for the women in your lives? Do you think that can happen?
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