As single women, we know the importance of friendship. For many of us, our friendships are our primary relationships: we have family and we have friends. That’s it, that’s everything. So, it’s important to be a good friend. But recently I was faced with the fact that I hadn’t been as good a friend as I could have been to a couple of my besties and it made me mad at myself.
For the last 3 to 5 years I was the one who was dealing with something: I was moving out, I was leaving my husband, I was waiting for the divorce to become final, I was moving into my own place. Me, me, me. Honestly, I have never been this interesting in my life! But, what happened was that I became the topic, always, and I got used to it. I got used to feeling like my life was way worse than any of my friends. I was the story, not them, and I became indifferent to what was going on in their lives. I hate to even admit it.
Recently it came to my attention that plenty of my friends were going through transitions, too, and I had stopped being sensitive to that. I had become so used to being the one, the one who needed support. The one who needed a shoulder to cry on. The one who was putting on a brave face through this tough time in her life. That became my identity and my story. And, really, I am sick of being that woman.
So, friends of Paula, look out. I am putting all my effort into being the friend who I haven’t been over the last few years. I am at the other end of the phone just waiting to hear from you. Wait, I’m not waiting for you to call, I am calling you. I want you to get yourselves all worked up about something so I can talk you down. Just kidding.
I am not kidding about being a good friend, though. I want to get better at it and I want you to get better at it, too. As single women, our friendships are everything and those relationships need to be nurtured constantly. Our friendships are not static, but a dynamic, living piece of our lives that we want to remain solid as we change and age.
I hope this spurs you on to think about your friendships and what kind of friend you are. The good news is that you can change how you are as a friend at any time, so give yourself an assessment and if you need to, do better. Just be a better friend.
Well written Paula and a good reminder too!
Thank you Laura.
So, PaulA my dear, I think we all go through times when our troubles overwhelm us and we become more self focused. . Hopefully it’s a natural ebb and flow. I think it also makes us more sensitive to when others are struggling. And the important thing is that we come out of it, usually with more wisdom.
As you know, I am not single, yet my close friendships are super important to me. So I would like to join you in your pledge to remember to keep a balance of attention on my friends issues and mine.
“ seek first to understand and then to be understood. “
I agree with the ebb and flow wholeheartedly. In friendships that last more than half a century, like ours, sometimes one is the recipient of more attention and sometimes one is the giver of that extra TLC. But how great it is to have the safety of that very relationship! Thanks for reading my posts even though you are a married lady.