The title here says it all: are you stuck? If you are, it is time to get unstuck. Nothing ages a woman, in my opinion, more than being stuck in a rut, no matter what part of her life we are talking about. And we all do it. We all get caught in the trap of not staying current, whether it is with pop culture or our home’s decor or movies or the way we wear our hair and our clothes. We all do it. I do it. But it is time to change that. How often do you walk into a friend’s home and think, “Wow, this place hasn’t been updated since the before Y2K (If you don’t know what that is, then this article is not for you!). Or when was the last time you put on an old sweater and had to decide whether to leave the shoulder pads in or take them out (the answer is out, by the way, if you were old enough to wear them the last time they were in)? For me, I have been noticing a tendency to hold on to way too many things that I have had since I got married in 1985, and they really don’t hold much sentimental value for me any longer since marriage is not my current status.
Am I Trying Too Hard?
I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t want to look like I am trying too hard to stay young. I am not fooling anyone about my age.” It is not about trying to pass for an age that came and went a long time ago. It is about remaining current, not living in the past. Staying interested in what is happening in the world around you and finding ways to bring today into your life makes a difference in how others see you and in how you feel about yourself.
My children are 26 to 31, and, I like some of their favorite music and TV shows. Not all, but some. We like the same current movies, not all, but some. It gives us something to talk about when awards shows come around. It’s fun to go to a concert with them once in a while. I love it and it connects me to them. It makes me feel like I am part of this world, not on the tail end of life.
My daughter-in-law always asks me if I follow certain interior designers on Instagram, so I look them up and follow them and guess what, I am starting to feel like I need to make some changes in my apartment. It needs to be refreshed and that doesn’t have to do with spending a lot of money. It has to do with maybe changing out a rug and adding a little brightness. Nothing earth-shattering, just a little spruce up that makes me feel like I am not living in Grannie’s house.
And, as for fashion, I am very stuck there: I wear black almost always! Sometimes I go wild and wear gray, or beige, or beige-ish-gray. That probably won’t change. But, I can definitely buy a couple of pairs of shoes and a handbag or coat every season that updates the look. And how do I know if it is working? When my daughter asks me if she can borrow my shoes! Bingo!
Aging Isn’t for Wimps
Listen, aging isn’t for wimps, we all know that. But I really believe that sometimes as an aging woman we can feel left out, or left behind, or unimportant. We are not unimportant, but we have to let others know that. We need to stay informed and relevant and current. So, now I ask you again, are you stuck? And if you are stuck what are you going to do about it? How can you make some small changes to stay current?
victoria mills says
Okay, I am glad you are embracing the challenge. That is great. I am going on 26 years of marriage, legally separated with a monthly stipend and social security. LOOOONG story short my 4th marriage LTS “Liz Taylor Syndrome” w/o the jewels or dough. He is 12 years younger and decided we would live better in Nevada. We’re talking very isolated NV. He knew I hated it and was told going w or w/o you. I live w my sister own half of our paid for house there and he can’t buy me out.He left us in debt. So I can’t even rent an apartment for credit checks. So I want the money I need a nest egg. I don’t care if we are divorced or not. He could get his family to buy me out. So it’s great to see you all embracing fun and I will be 66 in a month. I look okay 😉 Can someone give me some strategy. It seems it all has to do with being financially independent or a great pre-nup. HELP!!!
Paula says
Victoria, please do not think for a second that I am making light of how terrible divorce is. If you go back and read some of my posts from the early months of my being separated I think that you will know that. And, I thank my lucky stars every day that, while my heart has been and continues to be broken every day, I have not had the same financial issues that some of my “sisters” have. I am lucky in that respect. I have no advice or strategy for you but I can tell you this: no matter how horrible it is now, it will come to an end and whatever you are left with or not left with, that’s what it will be. You will start over and you will be happy again, I promise you that. I am so sorry for all you are going through and I wish I could help you, but I can’t. Good luck, stay in touch and one more thing, don’t get married again!!!
MR says
I recently retired and am feeling lost. I realize for the past 30 years I created a rut I am not sure I can escape. I am starting over. I have little connection with my work friends now and believe they have moved on without me. I am trying to create new friendships but it is hard. I definitely need to refresh my decor but have not made much headway there. I have worked on my wardrobe. I don’t know if my changes are successful or not. I am restless and unsure of where to go now.
Paula says
That restlessness you are feeling might be just the right thing for getting you to make some changes. I do understand about your work friends: those were people who you spent your life with and now you are gone from that circle. I guess that is a natural progression. And, you said it is hard to make new friends. When I moved out of my house I had to make a new friend group, friends who weren’t all married with families. I joined a lot of groups and took workout classes and went to any Facebook event I could find. It wasn’t easy, but I slowly started to make new friends. Now, I have merged those groups together and they are all just my friends. Good luck.