Year: 2017
I may be an old dog, but I can learn a new trick or two! I love learning now so much more than I did when I was younger. And, I’ve come across a couple of online learning options that I thought I would share.
Lynda is an app that offers classes in almost everything digital. You name it, it is on Lynda. It isn’t free, but if you have a library card you may be able to get it free of charge (I have one, yippee). Free is the best! So, if you can get it for free, you might be more likely to try something new, something that you wouldn’t spend a lot of money on. I love that. It allows you to dabble a little.
There is another site that I am wanting to try, however, it isn’t free, no matter how many library cards I have. Masterclass.com offers tutorials from the world’s best, like Aaron Sorkin, Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman. I think I might splurge on Valentine’s Day and spend it with my new boyfriend, Usher. Here’s the link. http://bit.ly/2kGeE20 Now go get your own boyfriend!
Read MoreI love Crocs High Heels. There, I’ve said it. As embarrassing at it may be, my favorite warm weather shoes are Crocs High Heels. I have them in every color. I get to look a little taller and my legs look longer, without the pain and agony of high heels. I admit, that I only wear them with long, long pants so no one is aware that I am in rubber shoes, but I am telling you that once you try on a pair you will love them. I am going to California in a couple of weeks and I was just thinking about where my Croc heels are so I can pack them. If they would make them in closed-toe styles I would have all of those too. Just thinking about them brings a tear to my eye!!
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I have found that when I look back at my life and my friendships, I have a mixed bag of emotions. My family was small, and is now even smaller. We are small but mighty! So, I have had to look to friends to fill some of those spaces in my heart and in my life that others fill with family. And over the past couple of years, I have had to look to friends for the support I needed to move forward in my new single world. I felt so alone when I first moved out on my own I would go to the opening of an envelope if I was invited: I was lonely and afraid and sad. Luckily, that time has passed. I have made some new friends in my new life who I know will be friends forever. And, I have made some acquaintances that will probably remain just that. All good.
As I think about the important friendships of my life, I look at the ones from childhood first. My friend from elementary school that remains the longest and strongest could not be more unlike me. I always say that one day we reached a fork in the road and I went toward the stilettos and she followed the earth shoes path. We have had times when we didn’t get along and times when we didn’t see eye to eye, but that passed or smoothed over or just drifted off as a memory. My other close friend from high school and I are the same way. I remember that we had times when we didn’t speak for months, but I can’t remember why. Doesn’t matter. When I am feeling like I need a pick-me-up I go visit her and we laugh and I come back better. Then there is my long time friend who is often my date! We depend on one another, and we do lots together and it works for us. We get grouchy with each other once in a while then we get over it. We see each other ten times in one week and not again for another couple of weeks, and then back, and on it goes. I would call these people my emergency contacts. The first responders!
Then there are those people who have held me up for the past few years. They wrapped their collective arms around me to keep me afloat. They have their own busy lives and families but often include me and I am flattered when they do. Really! I think it is an honor to be one of the people who gets invited to others’ family functions: I feel like they must think of me as someone who will add to the mix rather than detract because I am not a mandatory invitation. Those are the people who let me be the third, fifth, seventh, ninth wheel. They helped me move to my new place. They invite me to watch games or for holidays. They go to a movie with me when I ask. They help me feel normal. They were a big part of my old life and they are a big part of my new life. And, as our lives change we will continue to be friends.
Who Would You Take to the Trenches?
One of my friends referred to me as a woman who he would take with him to the trenches, along with his wife and mother and sister. I was, of course, flattered. But, I think of that phrase a lot. And I think of who of my friends I would take into the trenches. I add people to my list and subtract them, too, because I also have to look at the friendships that I have lost or dropped. Some were my fault and some were not. I can only know my part in the disintegration of those friendships. Some of them I am sorry about and some I don’t miss one bit. I know myself well enough to know that while I am a good friend to others, I have high expectations of those people I called real friends, and if I don’t find that on the other end, I drop out. If I feel any distrust, I am gone. It doesn’t mean that they are bad people, just not for me at this time. I am pretty solid on the trust thing, and I get anxiety when I am around those people who I can’t trust (enter my soon to be former husband). When I am around anyone I don’t trust, I am so uncomfortable that I know I have to get out of that situation. That is true of friendships, my marriage, a professional environment: I get out.
So take a look at those around you. Do you wish you could make changes, or do you feel secure in your own personal community? The strength of that group of people can make or break your happiness, but you can always make changes. It isn’t a static state, but one that evolves.
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You can be happy while you are alone. The same can’t be said for being lonely.
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Sitting in a football stadium full of people, you can be lonely. It is not a question of numbers, but of emotions. If you are watching the football game at home by yourself, well you get it, you are just alone.
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Some things are preferable when you are alone like reading. You might prefer to read when alone. It is great to nap while you are alone. On the other hand, if you are feeling lonely, a Saturday date-night movie by yourself might not be the best time to venture out.
- Sometimes being lonely might make you try something new to get over the loneliness. You might join a group or class that will allow you to learn a new skill or improve on an old hobby. The sheer making the arrangements can go a long way in helping with loneliness. And, you will meet new people and maybe form some new friendships. It feels great to take control in improving your situation, and the worst thing that can happen is that you still feel lonely. What have you got to lose? You can still be alone anytime.
- Laughter is great for loneliness and also for when you are alone. It is hard to feel lonely when you are laughing, try it. And, it is wonderful to be alone when you want to laugh out loud.
- On special occasions, to avoid loneliness, nothing replaces planning. If you know you are going to be lonely for Christmas, plan ahead. Do everything you can to make it better before it comes up. Let’s face it, nothing makes up for not being with loved ones, or not having loved ones around on family holidays but you can work on it. Last year I planned a movie with a friend for Christmas morning because neither of us had any plans until later in the day and it kept me from feeling so blue on the first Christmas morning in my life when I wouldn’t be with my children. I was alone when I woke up but had plans that kept me from being lonely.
- If you want to watch a big game but it feels so lonely to do it by yourself at home, go to a nearby restaurant or bar and watch for a while. Much of the fun is just being around other people to cheer on your team. It might take care of your loneliness. But, if you want to watch alone, no shame in that either.
- Speaking of bars and restaurants, if you want to have a drink when you are alone, well that’s up to you. If you want to have a drink when you are lonely…don’t do it. It is nothing but a slippery slope that will just make you feel worse.
- I hate to put this in, but cleaning makes me feel less lonely. I think because I start thinking about how great my place will look when someone comes to see it. How much all of this organization will make me happy when I finish. And, of course, I must do it while I am alone.
- Being lonely makes me tired, in a sad sort of way. Draggy. I find that exercise helps, as much as I hate to admit it. If I exercise and I am tired, I deserve to be. Being alone does not make me tired.
Of course, much of this is tongue-in-cheek, but it’s rooted in my experiences over my sixty years. I have to trick myself a lot in order not to feel lonely. I hope I won’t always have to do that. I don’t treat loneliness lightly, though. If you feel lonely, but you feel that it will pass or diminish over time, then that seems like a healthy attitude to me. However, if you are living under a dark cloud that never seems to go away, that probably needs help from the outside, whatever that looks like to you.
Read MoreAt a Starbucks that I drive through a couple of times each week, the Barista hands me my drink and says, “Go get ’em!” The first time I heard it I thought he was talking to someone else. Then, I realized he was talking to me and every other car that goes through the window. It made me think about what it means. Now, I have started saying that to myself every morning when I wake up. I don’t say, “Rats, it’s morning.” Actually, some days I do say that. But you can’t lay in bed for another 20 minutes after you say to yourself, “Go get ’em.” You just can’t do it.
Now, I don’t say to myself , “Oh no, hello morning. I am not ready for you.” Actually, some days I do say that. But you can’t lay in bed for another 20 minutes after you say to yourself, “Go get ’em.” You just can’t do it. It feels lazy.
So, I try to have my day laid out in my head when it hits the pillow, so I don’t worry about it in the middle of the night and toss and turn. That allows me to “Go get ’em.” I find myself in such a bad mood when my day gets derailed: when the things that I wanted to accomplish just get put on the next day’s list. It makes me grouchy. So, I look at my calendar every evening to get myself ready for the next day, even if my day is wide open (isn’t that about the best feeling on earth?). If I am working out first, I get my workout clothes out and ready to be slipped on, so I can sleep until the final second, then “Go get ’em.”
If it is not a workout day, I have my clothes all picked out. I don’t like the feeling of having to hear the weather forecast them come up with something when I could have done that the night before. I have my bag ready and my electronics ready for action. I know, I know, it is a little silly, but it works for me. I like the feeling of being in control of the morning.
For me, what “go get ’em” means is that I am ready for that busy day. I am charging forward and making progress daily. I like that. I find that the older that I get the less time I want to waste. I want to fit everything into every day. I don’t want to just coast.
That doesn’t mean I want to be on the run all the time. I do not. I love my downtime. But I find that the more I “Go get ’em,” the more downtime I create for myself. It’s the best.
Whatever it takes to put that spring in your step, to get you fired up for the day, do it. It makes life so much more enjoyable and satisfying.
Go get ’em!
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